Sunday, February 23, 2014

The Future of my BLOG!! (Duhn duhn duuhhhh…)

Well, it's not exactly earth shattering. I love writing my blog and even if my readership never grows, which I of course hope that it does, I still plan on writing it!! But what I am going to be doing doing is trying to switch it up a little bit. I find that when I sit down to write, it is at random times, about random things. Now although my blog is titled Christie's Mad Mad World, maybe the randomness is just a bit too much. So I am going to be implementing a schedule! So that is number ONE.

The number TWO thing that is going to be changing up is hopefully going to be my writing style. I want to try to make my writing more like a narrative, rather then simply me throwing everything I think onto the "page". This may take some time to change and work the kinks out of, but hopefully the schedule will give me more of an opportunity to be a bit more deliberate with my words.

The THIRD thing that I am going to be attempting is to start a series or two to mix in with my "Hey, this is my life and I'm sure you all find it really interesting" blogs. I have plans to write about tips and tricks for the soon to be post grad, as well as some travel tips and tricks leading up to and during my holiday this summer with my mom. I'm hoping that once I get the schedule firmly established, this will mean that I will have new posts two to three times a week, always on the same days, for you to read and enjoy!!


So that is the plan, and hopefully I'll be able to get that started next week!!
Ta ta! xoxo

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Reading Week!! Oh YA!

It is currently Reading Week at my school, and I'm sure many others as well. If you are unfamiliar with Reading Week, it's basically Canadian spring break for universities. And it came at the most perfect time since last Thursday I had a dream that my school was burring to the ground. So I think that a week away was perfectly timed.

Sadly, this does not mean that I get a full week of doing nothing! I have had work (of the "How I pay my bills" variety), as well as some school work to plough though as well! A students life is never done. But I am managing to have a little fun - Mom and I are going to Calgary for a day trip later this week, and a visit with my cousins family, which is always fun!

The sad thing is, I have managed to pull a muscle in my abdomen. :( I have no clue how I managed to do this, except that it probably occurred one right when I was sleeping. Which just seems crazy, but completely plausible, since I am the QUEEN of randomly hurting myself on a regular basis. I am magical like that.


SO… a few updates!
1) I am going to try to make a schedule for blogging as well as uploading videos. This way you and I both know what is happening, and you all will also be getting more planned out blogs, and not just my random thoughts!

2) My weightless goals have been all but abandoned. I just do not have the motivation at this moment, however, I am still sticking with the goals of eating less sugar and junk. Hopefully the resulting feel-betterness will jump start my work out motivation!!

3) I want to get to know you, my loyal… hopefully… readers, and also want to know what you want to know about me! So I'm inviting you to leave comments on this post (or any post that you might have questions about), and I will either answer them here on the blog or in a video! If you don't want to leave your name, or you just don't have a google account, just select "anonymous" and leave your question that way!!

Well, I think that is all I have for you tonight! I am looking forward to questions and comments!!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Sugar is NOT my friend anymore!!

When I decided that I wanted to be healthier and drop a few pounds, I knew that my sugar intake was the first thing that had to go. I spent January weeding myself off of sugar, which made me feel surprisingly sick and disgusting, and GRUMPY!! But I stuck with it, and managed to detox myself off of sugar.

Fast forward to today and my weakness - Conversation Hearts. I love Conversation Hearts! Valentines Day is the best time for candy and chocolate, and the biggest challenge for my sugar detox. But I couldn't resist a tub of Conversation Hearts, and made the mistake of having it sit beside me as I'm working on my school work. BIG MISTAKE!

I have lost track of how many I have had in the last little bit, but my body is quick to remind me that it was WAY too much. My stomach feels awful, my kidneys hurt as they try to process all that awful, processed sugar. So I really think that at this point, I'm done. If this is what is going to happen when I eat sugar, clearly I don't need to eat sugar that badly!! Feeling this disgusting has been the best motivation I could have asked for!!


So now I just need to find the right motivation to get to the gym!!
xoxo

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Feeling better and looking forward to Europe!

Well, I'm sitting in a dark corner at school right now waiting for my 7:30 lab to start (it's now 5:45), so I have some time to kill. I am still feeling pretty crumby after Sunday, and just can't exactly shake the feeling that I about to burst into tears. It's the strangest feeling to have to live in (I say live in, because it becomes your state of being while suffering through it.) It is just bizarre to sort of muddle through, and having to navigate through situations with some type of normalcy. But I seem to be getting by.

I think that right now, I am happily focussing on positive parts of my life right now, which for me, is mainly my up coming trip this summer to the U.K./France with my mom. I am spending spare pockets of time researching weather conditions for the time we will be there, and adjusting my packing list accordingly. I watch youtube videos to get ideas from people who have been there, and what to pack, what to see, where to go/stay/eat. I agonize over finding a balance between what I want to do versus what my mom wants to do and then what we have to do while there (I'm graduate school hunting). I went the other day and turned some of the money that I have been saving up into pounds and euros, so I actually have physical proof that I am leaving the country, and going on a grand adventure!! And I'm both terrified and thrilled by the prospect!! I am just really looking forward to seeing what waits me across the pond!!

But that is all I have for you now readers, whomever you are!

xoxo

P.S. If you have any good travel tips, things to bring, places to avoid, let me know in the comments below! Any help is appreciated!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

PANIC ATTACK!!

So I'm writing this after probably one of the worst panic attacks I've had in a little while. In previous posts, I've written about my issues with self harm (an eating disorder and cutting), but I haven't really talked very much about my panic attacks.

I am very lucky in that I don't have a chronic issue with panic attacks, and I wouldn't say that this is a full blown disorder, but it is getting both better and yet worse at the same time. I think I've always been an anxious person, and a bit of a worry wort. Some things just make me a little bit more anxious then most other people. For example, I like to live in my comfortable little bubble, and so changes, no matter how small can make me VERY nervous and overwhelmed. I also hate being a passenger in a car. I just prefer to be the driver and therefore have control of the situation, which being a passenger doesn't allow. This can vary depending on whom I'm driving with, and how much a trust them, and I have made people pull over and let me drive to quell my anxiety. There are other things that can make me feel this way, and usually have to do with my many neurotic tendencies and fears.

Even sitting here, writing this… I'm getting anxious. Which I find very interesting. When I was talking about my eating disorder or cutting, I could have cared less about what anybody thought. I am not ashamed of having struggled with those issues and having over come them. But writing about my anxiety and panic, I feel very exposed, and afraid of being judged. I always think that people are just going to think that I'm "just being dramatic", which I can just be from time to time.

Sometimes I can completely predict when I will have a melt down, which of course makes the melt down worse because I get more nervous about the impending doom and embarrassment. An example would be when I have to give a presentation in class. I just DREAD talking in front of a room full of people and I imagine flinging myself off of a building rather then having to get up in front of a class and give a speech.

Other times, like tonight, it just creeps up on me. Tonight, I was just sitting and doing homework, when BAM! Flood of tears, shaking, hyperventilating… The works basically. And then the melt down about stats homework, led to freaking out about all my school work this week, on top of trying to do everything else I need to do to be a grown up, and the next thing I knew, I was curled up on the floor for 45 mins wishing I could melt away.

I think that is what people who are lucky enough to have normal responses to stress don't understand. The fact that I would rather crawl into a hole, turn invisible or die, then feel the way I feel in that particular moment. I think that sometimes people think that I'm doing it for attention, when all I really want, what I pray for, is that nobody looks at me or notices. That's the thing!! Trust me, I really don't want to draw any attention to myself when I'm in the middle of my worst nightmare. It is this crazy intense shock to the system, like I'm being electrocuted. And since I have such issues with control and feeling like I'm always in control, this is the WORST possible way for me to feel.

In some ways, it is getting better for me. I can control my nerves better when speaking in class, although… it's still not great. Even some of my everyday nervous tendencies are better controled. I can sit in a car, even when I'd rather stunt roll out of the moving car, then continue to sit there convinced they are trying to kill me. But what I have noticed is that when I do have a panic attack, or a freak out, they seem to be much worse then before. I guess there is always room for self improvement!!

Toodles!