Sunday, November 17, 2013

Making the best of a bad situation!

Well, I have been working on being more focused and positive and being less grumpy. So far so good (for the most part). I did say that it would be a work in progress.

The room cleaning has stalled slightly since I have papers and assignments and what not to get done, but I still have that goal in mind. I have been pondering the idea of posting before, in progress and after shots of my room, but have nixed the idea. It's pretty bad, and although there are certain things that I am willing to be judged on (this is the Internet after all), I'm not sure that the state of my room is one of them. I will likely post pictures once it's all done because I will be very proud of the accomplishment!! But no before pics...

I find myself pondering my future more and more as my University career is coming to a close. The hope is still to attend grad school, but my grades and work experience might limit that, at least in the immediate future. So, I'm thinking about how to pay off my debt and then what to do next. Maybe another degree and some work experience that would relate to what I want to do in grad school in order to increase my chances of getting in. There is also the hope that I could be moving, not just out of my dads house (thanks for the free rent dad!) but possibly to a whole new part of the world. As much as I love Canada, and consider this my home land, it doesn't exactly feel like home. I just have this feeling that I am meant for a different life then what I have going on here. So I'm looking at the U.K., maybe Sweden (which would be an even greater challenge since I don't speak a word of swedish), or maybe some place else... I don't know! But it's exciting to think about at least.

But right now it's all just ideas and dreams. We shall see what happens!!

P.S. Today I have been pondering the idea of going into Journalism and New Media as opposed to Museum Studies... I shall investigate this possibility further!!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

I've been a little negative... I'm sorry.

I've been pretty stressed out the last several weeks and I really haven't been feeling very well for the last several months, and I think it's getting to me just a little bit too much! So, I am going to work on being a bit more perky and happy because as "they" say, "You are the only person who can make you feel bad about yourself", so I guess that I am also the only person who can make myself feel better as well.

So one thing that all of you (whoever you are...) should know about me is that I do not handle stress, anxiety or disappointment very well. I either throw the worlds most epic temper tantrum (I am the master of channeling my inner 3 year old!) or I just completely shut down emotionally and physically. Last week, was a week of the later. I am not really sure what set off my total emotional breakdown, but most days getting out of bed was really not an option. And, since this is a place where I'm honest, it was really not hard to cut last week. But I did manage to avoid that nasty, unhealthy habit!! GO ME!!

I'm starting to feel a little bit more like my only somewhat less grumpy self this week, and I'm really trying to focus on the good things I've got going on. I have a wonderful family, friends (who I really should make more time for), a good life. And as a very wise alien being once said -

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda

So I am going to work on letting go of the fear, and the angry. But it will be a work in progress. 


Now that being said... I have been making some progress on some other long term goals. I had decided at the beginning of the school year that I was going to try harder to wear actual clothes to school, things with buttons and zippers, the type of clothing that touches my body! And I have to say, although every once and a while a hoodie is worn, I haven't been doing to badly in this regard! I'm really trying to break away from looking like a teenager and more like the 30 year old woman that I will be soon!! This also means that as I'm cleaning out my room and reorganizing, I'm focusing on getting rid of what is too small, too childish or just wrong. I really want to grow up my look a little bit. Not only do I think that is just good business, but I think it will just make me feel more confident and have benefits for many parts of my life. 

I am also reading several books that are acting as inspiration for... I don't want to say the new me... but the grown up me. These include: "What Would Grace do?", "What Would Audrey do?" which are inspired by two beautiful, classic and classy women; "How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World" and lastly, "Very Classy." Now, I do not want to become a stereotypical 1950's woman, but these books are about women being strong, confident and in control while not having to become over sexualized idiots! 

So, for now I am going to bed... and tomorrow I will strive to be happy(er).



Sunday, November 3, 2013

So... I'm a hoarder.

Well, last week was a pretty rough week for me. I was just really stressed and overwhelmed, and truthfully, I handled in poorly. I pretty much retreated emotionally. But I'm really trying to turn it around this week and get back on track!

But I was studying today and as I was trying to focus and get things done, I looked around my room. It's a mess. A TOTAL MESS!! I have stuff crammed into every corner and cranny. And probably 85% of it is old, and completely unnecessary!! And yet, I have it, I keep it and the thought of having to get rid of it kind of stresses me out. I'm a hoarder.

So my goal is to clear out my room and get it clean and organized and looking pretty damn good! Thankfully, I have enough sense to move things and dust and vacuum, so it's not dirty like on the tv show Hoarders. But there is just soooo much stuff!! So my goal by the end of November is to have 80% of the junk gone, so that all will be left are clothes that I wear, things that I use, and things that I need!! Wish me luck and keep me accountable!