Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The SemiColon Project

By now I'm sure that most of you have heard of Project SemiColon. Started in 2013, it was started to show support for those who battle depression and suicide and has now grown to include all mental health issues. Originally, people were encouraged to draw a semicolon on their wrist to show their support for those who battle with depression. It has since turned into a global movement and semicolon tattoos are showing up everywhere!!

I really liked the idea of the semicolon tattoo. As someone who has battled depression and suicidal thoughts in the past as well as my current struggle with anxiety, the idea of showing my support on my skin ran pretty deep. So a few weeks ago, I added myself to the list of those who were their struggle on their skin.

I proudly rock that on my right wrist (I'm right handed) so that I can see it every time I look down and I'm reminded of where I've been and how hard I've worked to get to where I am now.

I still have bad days. I still have days where the voice in my head is louder then the one in my heart. And my current struggles have not made life any easier. But I have an amazing family and great friends and they help me to remember that it's ok to have a bad day. It's alright to fail and struggle and that you don't have to be happy everyday. Somedays are just going to suck and be miserable. But waking up the next morning and getting back out there is a huge deal.

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all, I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
                                                                                                                 - Agatha Christie

Monday, September 21, 2015

This has been the hardest period of my life… And it's only getting worse.

So… In May of this year I was laid off from my job. Not because I was a terrible employee, or did something wrong, but because the company that I worked for closed in Canada. ALOT of people were effected by this and it came at a pretty crappy time as many other companies were also closing and the oil industry in Alberta was also slowing down. At first, I really wasn't worried. I thought I'd get a job no problem!! How wrong I was. 

I thought about it, and started to wonder if this was a good time to move out of retail and get into something more 9-5, Monday to Friday. Something where I could put my fancy education to good use!! I thought I'd maybe get unemployment for a while and I had some money saved up… I'd be OK. I regret that thinking everyday

Because despite the fact that I am smart and capable and pretty willing and eager to learn new things, still I have NO JOB. Worse yet, I have applied to almost 200 jobs and only recieved 1 phone call about an interview that was a job that I wasn't well suited for. To say that I am frustrated, is understanding the problem. 

I'm trying very hard to stay positive. I've gone on medication to help control my anxiety (I still have VERY bad days, but they are much fewer), and my parents have been a big help as well. I've had a huge amount of support from those around me and some great friends have stepped in to see what they can do to help, but still no progress. *SIGH* 

Dealing with the government is endlessly frustrating, I'm rapidly running out of savings and my parents can only bail me out so much, so I'm sending this - my desperate plea for help - out into the universe. You've never failed me before universe and whatever lesson you're trying to teach me, I'm willing to learn. But enough is enough don't you think?! 


And with that, I welcome and insight, words of encouragement, helpful hints, mental hugs. Because life is hard, and I need a hug right now.