Friday, September 20, 2013

Oh Week...

So this week has kinda sucked. There have been some high points, but also some pretty low points as well. So where to begin? Hmmm... I guess I shall begin at the beginning.

Saturday was a good day. I had the whole weekend off of work, so without anything better to do (which occurred because I left my textbooks at school), I went to go see a horror movie with a male friend. I will now call him Boy. So Boy and I have gone to school for awhile but never really talked very much until these last few weeks. So Boy and I go to dinner first and then a movie and then to coffee afterwards.

Now, since I am a girl (I know, what a shock!), I was very curious as to whether or not this was in fact a date. So after having a really good time, I asked because that's how I roll! And confirmed that yes that had turned into a date somewhere along the way. Great!! So then Boy invited me to a party/gathering that he was having on Sunday with a few of his friends and I decided I would go. This was a challenge since I'm super awkward when I first start to get to know people and meeting a really tight knit group of people can be pretty intimidating. But they were all really nice and made me feel really welcome (even though I was probably super awkward!)

So after the shindig broke up, Boy and I decided to watch season 2 of Sons of Anarchy. Well, maybe not the whole season, more like the first two episodes. I ended up crashing at his place since by the time to second episode was over, I was exhausted!! (Get your minds out of the trash people - It was not that kind of sleep over!)

But the next day, both Boy and I realized that maybe we should just be friends. That way we can hang out and have fun with out any of the relationship drama that might come with dating somebody that you are in school with and have a class with. I mean, how awkward is it when you date someone, break up, and still have to see them every freakin' day!! Sooo gross!!

Now, even though I was bummed out at first about not dating him, what I did realize was that although dating him might not be the right move. I am now totally ready to date!! Look out world!! I am on the hunt for my Prince Charming!!

So that was the bad/good news of the week I guess. But the bad news is that Tuesday rolled around and despite feeling fine on the morning, by the time my evening seminar rolled around, my tummy was feeling less then stellar. I was gross. I thought that maybe it was just my paralyzing fear of speaking up in class, but by the time I got home, it was the flu. Combined with some seasonal allergies that were making my head feel very fuzzed up and gross. So delightful. Needless to say, I ended up staying home from class on Wednesday as well to recoup. By Thursday, it was not soo bad, and I was able to go to class and work that evening without a problem.

Now today, which is Friday, I managed to go see two of my professors who were able to give me some great topic advice for papers so I'm feeling a lot calmer about that. Now I just have to get some homework done tonight, a ton of reading done over the weekend and then survive next week (which will hopefully go better then this one did.

And next weekend is also my mother/daughter trip to Banff so look forward to my blog AND YouTube video (I promise there will be one!) about that little adventure!!


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Confessional: Self Harm

In a previous post I talked about my struggle with an eating disorder, and as much I would like to say that this has been my only struggle, I also had a battle with self harm. And in my case, this was cutting.

Self harm can mean any number of things. It most commonly manifests itself in cutting the skin, however in some cases, burning the skin, punching or striking yourself or engaging in any behaviour that is intentionally harmful to yourself are also considered Self Harm. Some consider self harm as a cry for attention and don't take it very seriously, but it can be extremely dangerous!!

So, I want to share my experience with cutting, and I just want to say that this is solely based on my own experience and not all situations are the same.

As I began to receive treatment for my anorexia, I was having trouble dealing with stressful situations. I felt like my only coping mechanism was taken away, and I didn't know what to do. One night, after a bit of pacing and stressing, I picked up a blade for a box cutter and made a small cut on my upper arm. I almost instantly felt calmer and relaxed. I made another cut and then another. I now understand that what was happening was that my body was releasing endorphins and adrenaline to battle the pain. At the time though, it just felt good. The rush was an instant release, and not only was there a physical reaction, it also acted as a mental break. I had something else to focus on.

And that was the start of three years of cutting. I was lucky in that it was a somewhat infrequent part of my life and I never cut so deep that I am left with scars. I finally stopped when I began to grow up and learned a new skill set to deal with all of this stress. I learned to talk about things right away when things begin to pile up and the best tip for coping and working it out, is to write it down. Whenever I need to work out an issue, I write it down and work it through that way. I will admit that sometimes when life seems really overwhelming, I do think about cutting or restricting my food, but I know that it will only make everything worse!!


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Life's Little Let Downs

So, I have been un-enrolled in a class that I swear I had the pre-requist class for... Hmmmmm. I could have sworn that I had the right high school math class to take statistics, but I guess I don't, although my University has no record of my high school transcripts at all. Ponder! But that is fine. It is one less thing I have to worry about this semester, and can now take it next semester instead, and all I have to do is pass a small exam to prove that I can do statistics. So that is what I shall do!! But still.... grrrrrrrr.

But aside from that, I think that this semester will be both challenging and rewarding. I hope. If I don't kill myself that is. Which hopefully I won't. With not having to worry about statistics, that will give me more time to focus on my major papers and assignments. I really want to get the best grades possible since I want to get into a good graduate studies program in Europe. I'm just hoping that I can pull this all off without too much trouble, although the fact that I have three presentations to do this semester and a very major one to do next semester with my senior thesis does not help at all.

I don't know why I get such major anxiety when it comes to presentations, but I just can't handle them. I cry uncontrollably and can't breath. Even just thinking about them makes me very stressed out. I have tried all sorts of ways to stay calm and not get soooo worked up, but they never seem to work. I've practiced in front of family and friends, in front of other teachers or professors. Nothing helps. If I am part of a group of students, it doesn't seem to be as bad, or speaking on a subject that I am well aquatinted. But most of the time I turn into a huge blubbering mess and I can't control it. It's pretty embarrassing.

Anyone have any ideas?

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Attempting to Study...

Well, the first week of classes are over and I have to say that I'm over whelmed. I knew that my course load was heavy and the work load would be hectic, but it is sooo much more then that. I am nervous about everything that has to happen and the time frame that it has to happen in. I have three major papers, several midterms and three presentations (which I dread the most!) and a ton of homework assignments for two of my classes. And of course there are my finals, which as of right now, are clumped together.

So naturally, instead of reading, I'm blogging.

And there is also work and life to consider. Not to mention maintaining this blog and my YouTube channel. Thankfully, I'm single so I don't have a boyfriend vying for my time and attention. Although, it might be nice to have a boyfriend who can listen to my whining and complaining, and be supportive when I need it. And give neck rubs. All this hunching over books creates some serious knots. I have my great friends and family though, and they are just as good. But enough of my whining.

Coming up at the end of the month, my mom and I are heading to Banff for an event at The Banff Center for the Arts. We were planning on going straight to Banff so that we can settle in and I can get some school work done, however, I received an email from a university in Berkeley California. They informed me that they would be in Calgary the very same weekend that we are heading south to Banff. Talk about fate!! So we are now making a stop to see this university at the Study and Go Abroad Fair. It will be a quick stop so that we can still get to Banff at a good time. I love perfectly timed events!!

So it looks like I am going to have a very busy September!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Good Study Habits!!

So I thought I would do a post about good study habits for not only your benefit, but also as a nice reminder to myself about what I need to do to get the best possible grades this year!!

So here it goes:

1) Complete all assigned readings before each class. I know this seems daunting, especially if you have a full course load. But it is very important for several reasons.
   A. When you have done the reading, you will have a clearer understanding of what the professor is discussing in class.
   B. If you have questions about any of the material, you can bring it up during that class when it is relevant, as opposed to the next class, or during office hours when it may not be.
   C. If the class is a seminar class, you will be expected to participate in the discussion regarding the reading, and the professor will be able to tell if you didn't do it. Trust me.

2) When doing your reading assignments, do them properly. Now I know what you're thinking, all you have to do is read, right? Wrong. You have to comprehend, analyse and interpret the information. So here is how to read properly:
   A. Read the material all the way through without highlighting, flagging or taking notes on it. Just read it, slowly.
   B. Once you have read it, now you want to go back and skim for the main points or thesis.
   C. Once those have been identified, you can then start highlighting and flagging not only that material, but also the evidence, sources used, etc. and make sure that you are taking notes about the material, or what your opinions are of it.
   D. Also make sure you make note of any questions or concerns you have, so that you can bring them up during class.

3) Schedule your time wisely. Make sure you are paying attention to everything that you have to do in a given week and budget your time accordingly. What will take the most time, the least, subjects you maybe need to focus on more. And don't forget about down time. Your brain can only do so much and it needs a break, so take sometime to take a walk, or watch your favourite t.v. show.

4) Be mindful of due dates!! I can not stress this enough!! You might be able to get an extension from a professor, but ask early, because unless you have the best reason out there, the day before simply won't cut it.

5) Triple check exam times and set two alarms. I have yet to meet a professor who will let you write an exam after the fact because you slept in, or forgot the date.

6) Remember why you are there. Even if a class isn't very exciting, or maybe not your main interest, it does serve a purpose, so stay focused.

7) And lastly, grades are important, but they are not the end all/be all of life. If you're not doing as well as you would like, find a study group, talk to the professor, or drop the class and try again later. And you can bounce back from bad grades, I've done it many times. I even failed a class, and look at me now!! It will be fine!!

Hopefully, you find these helpful and as always, please feel free to leave your tips and tricks in the comments below!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

First day of school... Done and Done.

So, I had my first day back at University today. I was sooooo excited despite knowing what I was in for. But I'm actually less worried about Statistics then I was yesterday, although I did discover that I'm in the "harder" Stats Lab. But the "easier" lab does not fit into my schedule, so I guess I'm stuck!

And I think that Linguistics will go fairly well, but it's going to be one of those classes that I'm really going to have to work at and study a lot for. I doubt it will come naturally to me... But truthfully, book learning does not come very naturally to me at all, ever. I don't know why, because I really enjoy school and learning, but I'm a very hands on - figure it out as you go kind of person. SO this will be a challenge, but it is a challenge that I'm up for!

And then there was my History 411 class. This is a seminar class, which I know would mean a lot of reading, and writing, and some more reading. And of course, talking about the reading in class. Now, it's not that I don't complete the assigned readings or have opinions about the readings, but I just take a second to think about what I want to say, or what the answer is. Which generally means that by the time I have thought about what I want to say, someone else has already said it. So all I can contribute is a really intelligent "What they said.", or "I agree with that." But what truly terrifies me more then anything is the fact that I will have to give a presentation in front of the class (which is fairly small) and that presentation is worth 20% of my grade!! CRAP!! I am terrified of speaking in front of classes. I started to cry as he was explaining it. I don't know why it is that I can do somethings easily, and other things not so much! For example - Leading a 40 person orientation at work = easy, speaking in front of 10 people and a professor who is an expert = panic attack and uncontrollable sobbing. I am not looking forward to this all, but I will have to figure it out because it's 20% and I am not losing that much of my grade. I think I might try talking to my prof and see if I can beg, borrow and steal my way around this somehow. *sigh*

But I'm not going to stress about that right now, because I have two more brand new classes to stress about tomorrow.

If anyone has any advice to get through dreaded public speaking, leave it in the comments below!!