Blog Schedule!!

So I have my blog schedule worked out!! Now, I just have to stick to it!

But here is what I have planned:

Sundays: Posts about what is going on with me and life in general.

Wednesdays: My "Travel Tips" series with what to pack, how to pack and all sorts of tips and tricks for every type of holiday and travel destination.

Fridays: My "Preparing for post grad life" series, where I will talk about job hunting, budgeting to get out of the debt you will have accumulated, and beginning the business of being a grown up!



And since today is Sunday, here is the update about life. I don't have an update. Mom and I have booked out tickets, we are looking at hotels and short term rentals. This are coming along nicely! I have a statistics midterm tomorrow, so I'm nervous about that, but all I can do is study and try hard and hope for the best!! Positive thinking is the best way to overcome the stress.

So that's it!! See you Wednesday!

The Future of my BLOG!! (Duhn duhn duuhhhh…)

Well, it's not exactly earth shattering. I love writing my blog and even if my readership never grows, which I of course hope that it does, I still plan on writing it!! But what I am going to be doing doing is trying to switch it up a little bit. I find that when I sit down to write, it is at random times, about random things. Now although my blog is titled Christie's Mad Mad World, maybe the randomness is just a bit too much. So I am going to be implementing a schedule! So that is number ONE.

The number TWO thing that is going to be changing up is hopefully going to be my writing style. I want to try to make my writing more like a narrative, rather then simply me throwing everything I think onto the "page". This may take some time to change and work the kinks out of, but hopefully the schedule will give me more of an opportunity to be a bit more deliberate with my words.

The THIRD thing that I am going to be attempting is to start a series or two to mix in with my "Hey, this is my life and I'm sure you all find it really interesting" blogs. I have plans to write about tips and tricks for the soon to be post grad, as well as some travel tips and tricks leading up to and during my holiday this summer with my mom. I'm hoping that once I get the schedule firmly established, this will mean that I will have new posts two to three times a week, always on the same days, for you to read and enjoy!!


So that is the plan, and hopefully I'll be able to get that started next week!!
Ta ta! xoxo

Reading Week!! Oh YA!

It is currently Reading Week at my school, and I'm sure many others as well. If you are unfamiliar with Reading Week, it's basically Canadian spring break for universities. And it came at the most perfect time since last Thursday I had a dream that my school was burring to the ground. So I think that a week away was perfectly timed.

Sadly, this does not mean that I get a full week of doing nothing! I have had work (of the "How I pay my bills" variety), as well as some school work to plough though as well! A students life is never done. But I am managing to have a little fun - Mom and I are going to Calgary for a day trip later this week, and a visit with my cousins family, which is always fun!

The sad thing is, I have managed to pull a muscle in my abdomen. :( I have no clue how I managed to do this, except that it probably occurred one right when I was sleeping. Which just seems crazy, but completely plausible, since I am the QUEEN of randomly hurting myself on a regular basis. I am magical like that.


SO… a few updates!
1) I am going to try to make a schedule for blogging as well as uploading videos. This way you and I both know what is happening, and you all will also be getting more planned out blogs, and not just my random thoughts!

2) My weightless goals have been all but abandoned. I just do not have the motivation at this moment, however, I am still sticking with the goals of eating less sugar and junk. Hopefully the resulting feel-betterness will jump start my work out motivation!!

3) I want to get to know you, my loyal… hopefully… readers, and also want to know what you want to know about me! So I'm inviting you to leave comments on this post (or any post that you might have questions about), and I will either answer them here on the blog or in a video! If you don't want to leave your name, or you just don't have a google account, just select "anonymous" and leave your question that way!!

Well, I think that is all I have for you tonight! I am looking forward to questions and comments!!

Sugar is NOT my friend anymore!!

When I decided that I wanted to be healthier and drop a few pounds, I knew that my sugar intake was the first thing that had to go. I spent January weeding myself off of sugar, which made me feel surprisingly sick and disgusting, and GRUMPY!! But I stuck with it, and managed to detox myself off of sugar.

Fast forward to today and my weakness - Conversation Hearts. I love Conversation Hearts! Valentines Day is the best time for candy and chocolate, and the biggest challenge for my sugar detox. But I couldn't resist a tub of Conversation Hearts, and made the mistake of having it sit beside me as I'm working on my school work. BIG MISTAKE!

I have lost track of how many I have had in the last little bit, but my body is quick to remind me that it was WAY too much. My stomach feels awful, my kidneys hurt as they try to process all that awful, processed sugar. So I really think that at this point, I'm done. If this is what is going to happen when I eat sugar, clearly I don't need to eat sugar that badly!! Feeling this disgusting has been the best motivation I could have asked for!!


So now I just need to find the right motivation to get to the gym!!
xoxo

Feeling better and looking forward to Europe!

Well, I'm sitting in a dark corner at school right now waiting for my 7:30 lab to start (it's now 5:45), so I have some time to kill. I am still feeling pretty crumby after Sunday, and just can't exactly shake the feeling that I about to burst into tears. It's the strangest feeling to have to live in (I say live in, because it becomes your state of being while suffering through it.) It is just bizarre to sort of muddle through, and having to navigate through situations with some type of normalcy. But I seem to be getting by.

I think that right now, I am happily focussing on positive parts of my life right now, which for me, is mainly my up coming trip this summer to the U.K./France with my mom. I am spending spare pockets of time researching weather conditions for the time we will be there, and adjusting my packing list accordingly. I watch youtube videos to get ideas from people who have been there, and what to pack, what to see, where to go/stay/eat. I agonize over finding a balance between what I want to do versus what my mom wants to do and then what we have to do while there (I'm graduate school hunting). I went the other day and turned some of the money that I have been saving up into pounds and euros, so I actually have physical proof that I am leaving the country, and going on a grand adventure!! And I'm both terrified and thrilled by the prospect!! I am just really looking forward to seeing what waits me across the pond!!

But that is all I have for you now readers, whomever you are!

xoxo

P.S. If you have any good travel tips, things to bring, places to avoid, let me know in the comments below! Any help is appreciated!

PANIC ATTACK!!

So I'm writing this after probably one of the worst panic attacks I've had in a little while. In previous posts, I've written about my issues with self harm (an eating disorder and cutting), but I haven't really talked very much about my panic attacks.

I am very lucky in that I don't have a chronic issue with panic attacks, and I wouldn't say that this is a full blown disorder, but it is getting both better and yet worse at the same time. I think I've always been an anxious person, and a bit of a worry wort. Some things just make me a little bit more anxious then most other people. For example, I like to live in my comfortable little bubble, and so changes, no matter how small can make me VERY nervous and overwhelmed. I also hate being a passenger in a car. I just prefer to be the driver and therefore have control of the situation, which being a passenger doesn't allow. This can vary depending on whom I'm driving with, and how much a trust them, and I have made people pull over and let me drive to quell my anxiety. There are other things that can make me feel this way, and usually have to do with my many neurotic tendencies and fears.

Even sitting here, writing this… I'm getting anxious. Which I find very interesting. When I was talking about my eating disorder or cutting, I could have cared less about what anybody thought. I am not ashamed of having struggled with those issues and having over come them. But writing about my anxiety and panic, I feel very exposed, and afraid of being judged. I always think that people are just going to think that I'm "just being dramatic", which I can just be from time to time.

Sometimes I can completely predict when I will have a melt down, which of course makes the melt down worse because I get more nervous about the impending doom and embarrassment. An example would be when I have to give a presentation in class. I just DREAD talking in front of a room full of people and I imagine flinging myself off of a building rather then having to get up in front of a class and give a speech.

Other times, like tonight, it just creeps up on me. Tonight, I was just sitting and doing homework, when BAM! Flood of tears, shaking, hyperventilating… The works basically. And then the melt down about stats homework, led to freaking out about all my school work this week, on top of trying to do everything else I need to do to be a grown up, and the next thing I knew, I was curled up on the floor for 45 mins wishing I could melt away.

I think that is what people who are lucky enough to have normal responses to stress don't understand. The fact that I would rather crawl into a hole, turn invisible or die, then feel the way I feel in that particular moment. I think that sometimes people think that I'm doing it for attention, when all I really want, what I pray for, is that nobody looks at me or notices. That's the thing!! Trust me, I really don't want to draw any attention to myself when I'm in the middle of my worst nightmare. It is this crazy intense shock to the system, like I'm being electrocuted. And since I have such issues with control and feeling like I'm always in control, this is the WORST possible way for me to feel.

In some ways, it is getting better for me. I can control my nerves better when speaking in class, although… it's still not great. Even some of my everyday nervous tendencies are better controled. I can sit in a car, even when I'd rather stunt roll out of the moving car, then continue to sit there convinced they are trying to kill me. But what I have noticed is that when I do have a panic attack, or a freak out, they seem to be much worse then before. I guess there is always room for self improvement!!

Toodles!

Resolution update! Oh yeah, contain your excitement!

Well, I did a post about my New Years Resolutions earlier this month (duh… since that was the beginning of the new year…), and I thought I would give you an update on how I'm doing!

Number 1 - Lose 5 pounds this month

Well, I have to be honest and say that this one has not gone so well. I started strong! I was serious, and determined. I cut out sugar and cut down on pop (which is actually still going pretty well), however…

I haven't lost 5 pounds. I haven't really lost any pounds. BUT, I also didn't gain any either. I consider this month a draw and I will try to do better in February and make up for my slow start this time around!

Number 2 - Save more money

This one is actually going pretty well. I still not to watch my shopping (it is my favourite form of stress relief), but it has been going really, really well, and I am ahead of my goal when it comes to saving spending money for my trip! OH YEAH! 

Number 3 - Focus on school 

Well, this one has been going good. I still haven't been as organized and on the ball as I was hoping, but I'm still in good shape and settling into a nice routine and managing to get things done! 

Still could use some work though… But I have plans in place!

So that is my New Years Resolutions update. I have some great stuff planned for the next few weeks for both my blog and YouTube channel (which I swear, I haven't forgotten!) SO STAY TUNED!

Life is like my favourite meal

"Life is like a box of chocolates." Life is nothing like a box of chocolates. Chocolate is delicious, and makes you happy every time you eat it! Life is more like getting your favourite meal at a chain restaurant. You sit down at your usual neighbour location and order your favourite meal (for me, this is steak - well done, and fries). So you order it, and it arrives and it's perfect. It is exactly what you expected, what you wanted, what you have been craving! Now then lets say that you go to the same restaurant, but this time you are in a different part of the city. You order the same meal, and when it arrives… it's awful. They burned it, and under seasoned it. It is still your favourite, but it isn't at the same time. 

That is life. Life is your favourite meal, it will always be your favourite meal, even if it wasn't made the same way. 

At least that is the way I feel about my life. Sometimes it's amazing and perfect and just the way I want it. And other times, it's burnt and gross, and I'm just disappointed. I think that's true of anybody's life. Nothing ever goes perfectly, and there will be a few bumps in the road. But that doesn't mean that you give up, you just deal with what you can, and choose a better restaurant next time! (And yes, I am aware that in a restaurant, if your food comes out wrong you can send it back and have it remade - But work within the analogy!) 

So what if life is a little inconsistent?! I'm starting to think that it's worth it, putting up with the crap to get to the good stuff. People always say that you learn from your mistakes. And I always thought that was kind of stupid. I'm the kind of person who hates making mistakes. I get frustrated, not because I think I'm perfect, but I just expect perfection from myself. But with my 30th birthday fast approaching, I'm finally getting the hang of this mistake thing. Not only am I LESS hard on myself (still working on not being hard on myself at all), but I am actually learning from my mistakes and what I can change to avoid making the mistake again! It feels like growing up. 

But I can't say the same thing about relationships. I seem to keep making the same relationship mistakes over and over again. But I think I'll leave relationships for another time!

Adios! xoxo

The History of Studying Math

This isn't really about the history of studying math. This is about MY history studying math.

It all began growing up in a household where my mom worked at a major University, and my dad was an elementary school teacher. That's right! My dad was a professional educator of small, bratty children! Frankly, raising me should have been a piece of cake! (But you would have to ask my parents) Anyway… I should have had a very solid grasp on the basic mathematical concepts from a very early age, but it didn't seem to matter how my parents would try to help, drill, test, or tutor me, all math related concepts were far beyond my grasp.

This frustrated both my parents and I to no end! I discovered that I really resent not being good at something that I feel like I should be good at. And I still feel like I should be good at math. My parents and I decided that I should try Kumon Math, a program where you basically get homework, and have to hand it in. You could also go during specific times and get extra help from tutors there. For a little while, I really did put in effort and tried, but the less I understood, the more frustrated I would get. And the more frustrated I got, the more devious I became. I would get really sneaky about hiding my Kumon books, my parents would drive me to drop it off and I would spend 5 or 10 mins in the bathroom, and then go back out, pretending I had picked up my new books. I have to say, as ticked off as my parents must be reading this know, I gave a VERY convincing performance. I should really consider acting, or at least being a professional sociopath. But anyway… My parents eventually caught on, and gave up on spending money trying to get my brain to absorb equations, calculations and the times tables.

Jr High came along and I spent a great deal of time trying to prefect my math avoidance techniques. I had one teacher who would truly try to help me through my mental math blocks, and few teachers who just seemed to get frustrated when I didn't understand what they believed was simple and straightforward. Thankfully, part of my grand plan was to make friends with a math wizard, Renee. Even at my tender age, I learned that life is all about who you know!

I was very happy that Renee and I ended up at the same high school. And even though she went into the smart kid math classes, and I was in the less smart kid math classes, she continued to be a big help in getting me through class alive. I also made a few other friends, one of them being a sweetest goth you'd ever meet, Kevin. Kevin was also a math wiz and he spent time tutoring me. As did Dorian, who I think was dating one of my friends at the time… But anyhow, with all of this help, I managed to get through my high school diploma exams, and graduate! (*APPLAUSE*) And I thought I would never need to know how to solve for 'x' ever again!

*SIGH* Fast forward 12 years, and here I am, back in the math game. Back to my living nightmare. In order to stay in my Stats class, and therefore graduate when I would like to graduate, I have to take and pass an exam to show that I have the required skills. Here is the thing… I am confident that I have the skills to pass statistics, I am less certain that I have the skills to pass the exam to show that I have skills. This test has algebra and calculus, and I have not done, nor have I needed to use those "skills" since high school. So I'm pooched.

Thankfully, I am still friends with people who have basically been able to remind me of how I do these things, a group that still includes Renee, and my friend Hilary. Hilary even went so far as to make me a video to try to show me how to solve one question on the practice exam, which bless her, was really confusing. (Not her actual video, but just the steps, and remember equations and all that brew haha.) I am just really hoping that they don't ask that question on the actual exam. If they do, I'll be ok until about step 5, and then I'm lost!

But I really only need to get 12 out of the 20 questions right, and I think I can manage that much at least! But never, EVER can I see the need for me personally to need to figure out how long someones shadow is, or what the slope of a line on a graph might be. I haven't needed these "skills" in the last 12 years, and I doubt that I will need them in the next 12 either. Now I know that there are people who do these kind of things, day and a day out, and in there case this is all practical and useful knowledge that serves them well, and pays their bills. But this is not my cup of tea! I have never had any desire to launch rockets in space, or build tall buildings. I will leave that up to the people that this nonsense makes sense for!! This is why I'm a history major. I just want to read and critically think about what they did versus what they could have done…

THAT MAKES SENSE! (*rant over*)

First week done!!

Well, my first week of classes for my last semester of school is over! And I just feel exhausted and overwhelmed already. I knew that it would be a lot of reading, and work, but it is way more then I imagined!! But that is ok, because I know that all I have to do is stay on top of all my dates and getting readings done and homework done as soon as possible! That is truly the key to success this semester. I am also going to talk to some of the advisors at my school to help gain some new insights and strategies, so that this semester is my best semester ever, because this is the one that counts the most!

That being said, so far the new years resolutions are coming alone. I have started to cut back on the sugar and soda and junk food and my body is detoxing hard from that, and I feel a little bit gross. But it will be worth it when I reach my goal, and can maintain that goal. But right now, all I want is a big pizza with extra cheese and a chocolate bar (or six).

But that is my update for now!
XO

*WOOT* Back to class tomorrow!!

So tomorrow I head back to classes… I am both excited and nervous. But I am confident that this semester will be better then the last one and I will get my stuff together!!

But aside from that, I am focused on planning my trip with my mom and planning my post post secondary life!! I am looking forward to having a nice 9 to 5 job, or at least a job that pays me enough to get out of debt, out of my dads and out of this country!

Sorry it's short and sweet… I'm sure by the end of the week, I'll have more to say!

Toodles xo

New Years Resolutions!!

HAPPY 2014!! *fist pump!*

In previous years, I've never really stuck to my New Years resolutions. In fact, even when I make them, I never actually start them… It's pretty ineffective, but delightfully guilt-free!

This year, I thought I would actually make a few AND follow through on them! *SHOCK… AWE*

RESOLUTIONS:

1) Lose 5 pounds a month over the next 4 months.
I know that it seems strange to be so specific, but I read somewhere that if you give yourself smaller, easily measurable goals, you are more likely to stick with them. So if your resolution is to lose weight, don't think about the total amount but think about a reasonable length of time and then divide your goal by that! Losing 20 pounds seems really big and daunting, so 5 pounds seems pretty easy in comparison!

2) Save more money!
I have a trip to the U.K. coming up and after I graduate, I'll have loans to pay back, so 2014 is a good time to get my finances in order.

3) Focus on my studies
This is my last semester at school, and I really want to go out with a BANG! instead of a whimper. Last semester did not go as well as I would have liked, so this is my chance to prove to myself that I am smart and capable. Book smarts haven't come as easily to me as practical, street smarts, so the book learning takes more of an effort, and I really need to put in 100% this semester.

So, those are my resolutions for 2014! Let me know what your resolutions are in the comment below!

Best for the New Year!

Merry Christmas!

I've taken a bit of a break since the semester is over, and I can have some happy holiday time with friends and family… But I'm back now!!

Sadly, the semester did not go as well as I would have liked. But that is done, and a new semester is starting in January, so all I can do is work harder to make sure that my last semester is a better semester!! So here is my plan to make sure that happens!

1. Stay on top of my reading! ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS get this done before class, and I'll prepare notes on the readings so I can discuss them in class confidently.

2. I will also be making lists, and tracking due dates to make sure that I'm not forgetting anything.

3. Get my homework done at the earliest possible point!! Do not procrastinate!! Get in done, get it handed in, and move on to the next thing!!

So that is the game plan!!


Aside from that, I'm just busy to try to plan my future, grown up, post school life!! I want to get a job that pays me enough to pay off my debt, afford a place of my own, and plan for my future! So I'm busy researching and investigating, exploring, and I'm really enjoying the process!! It's great to sit down and plan and shape my life and see what I love and find interesting. I really recommend to anyone who is feeling stuck, to sit down with a piece of paper and engage with your life and your goals. I think there is something about seeing it on paper that makes it very real, and gives you that physical and mental map to get you there! I feel really calm about where I am, and where I'm going!

So that is all from me right now!! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!!
Much love from my Mad Mad World!

Another Semester in the Bag

Well, this semester was a tough one, but I managed to get through it. I haven't had any grades posted yet, but I really hope that I passed everything! I'm sure that I did… But I'm always concerned. You never really know!

But aside from that, I'm just trying to get myself set up for next semester. I have a pretty brutal one ahead of me, with my senior thesis, a senior seminar and Statistics (anything math related that doesn't involve money is not a strong suite.) But hopefully, I can get ahead of the game a little bit, and not have the meltdown that I had this past term!

So that is the goal for now. I'm also hoping to get back on the YouTube and get some more videos done, and posted! I have a few ideas, but if you have any ideas about what I should do, or any videos that you would like to see… Let me know!!

xoxo

I LOVE TO DO LIST'S!!

I know this seems like a really random thing to blog about, but it's my Mad Mad World, and I'm mad about TO DO LIST'S!!

If you have read my previous posts from the last few months you have seen that I have been pretty stressed out and unhappy. Well, the way I combat that is by making to do list's, whether they are daily to do list's, to do's for each class, and even a life goals to do list that I have in my Moleskine journal that is almost always with me. I also use my journal for ideas for blogs, videos, any information that I need to remember… it's all in there!

I highly recommend making TO DO LIST'S if you are like me and super busy (and maybe a little absent minded…)! They are a great way to organize your thoughts, keep track of what has and still has to be done, and I find that just getting it out of my head and onto paper helps reduce stress.

Part of what makes life stressful is having everything you have to get done or want to do, bouncing around in your head, fighting for attention! So I love my Moleskine agenda, because I can have the basic information like what time I work, or when an appointment is on a specific day on the left side and can have a to do list for either the week or a specific day on the other!! I LOVE having that visual representation of my time, and I can prioritize it so much better when it's on paper and not bouncing around in my head.

So, if you are curious about what my agenda looks like and would like me to do a post on that, let me know in the comments!!

What's in my purse!!

I felt like my blog has been very ho-hum as of late! So I thought I would do something fun today and show you what I carry in my bag! And yes, this is what is in my bag on almost a daily basis… It's shocking and a little heavy!

So this is my current bag. I bought it from Oldnavy.ca about a month ago because it was on clearance for $2.97!! I thought it was prefect for my trip to the U.K. in the summer because it has two short straps that I can get over my shoulder, and an attached cross body strap that tucks nicely under the bag when you have it shortened which keeps it out of the way! It's a great size for my carry on and I can either pack it nicely on the way back if I buy a new bag there, or I can just leave it in the U.K. because it was only $3!

So here is the inside and as you can tell… it's packed!

So the first things that I pulled out are my toque and mitts! Living in Canada in December means that this is pretty standard in anybodies bag. I also live in the country and have about a 45min drive to school, so I like to have these with me incase I end up in the ditch, or if traffic stops because of an accident, I can stay warm without having to be running my engine the whole time!

The toque is from Old Navy and the mittens are Beaver Creek and I bought them at Target!

I always have my agenda with me. I just switched over to a Moleskine agenda (skull bookmark) that I love because it has Monday through Sunday on the left side and a lined page on the right, so I can have my to do list on there and just stay more organized that way. I also have a Moleskine journal (ToyStory bookmark) so if I have any ideas for a blog or YouTube video I can jot them down, or again, just making a to do list. I also have a pencil/pen case where I keep all my school essentials including my USB.

I have to book I'm reading right now. This is a book my mom recommended to me, and I've really been enjoying it! I haven't had a lot of time for non-school related reading but finals are going to be done next week and I'm hoping I'll be able to finish it!

I have a travel size deodorant by LaVanila. It's an amazingly good deodorant from Sephora. My Nivea Soft hand cream, a winter essential. And Evian facial spray, which is just a cooling, refreshing spray that I like to use when I'm tired or stressed out when studying. It gives me a boost! Also bought at Sephora.













I have my little emergency kit, that has dry shampoo, blotting sheets, mini toothbrushes, perfume, stain remover, glasses cleaner, nail files, tissues, face wipes and painkillers!

The bag is by Sonia Kashuk and I bought it from Target!

Anyone who knows me, knows that i have a very serious lip balm addiction. I usually only have one of my lip balm pouches with me, but for some reason, they are both in this bag, along with two EOS balms and my Bite Beauty Superfruit lip balm from Sephora. The sparkly bag that looks like a candy wrapper is from Bath and Body Works, and the purple bag is from Old Navy.

I have my wallet and keys. The wallet is from Target and I love it because it has tons of spots for cards!!

And the last thing, and arguably the most important this close to finals, is antibacterial hand gel. This one is from Bath and BodyWorks, and is called Christmas Cookies! Smells sooooo good!















So that is everything I have in my bag right now! Hopefully you enjoyed the break from my usual "This is how my life is going… no change… *shock*" blogs as of late. I also have plans to film a few videos and get them up over the Christmas break!

Life is slowly returning to "normal"

Well, I have slowly been feeling better and better over the last few weeks. My stomach is still a little wobbly, but it is getting better and I feel less sick all the time. I continue to struggle with sleep and getting enough of it, but this too I think will get better with time. I'm going to buy a new pillow and see if that changes the headaches and sleep deprivation!! If anyone has any good suggestions for pillows, please leave it in the comments!

This semester is coming to end, with only about a week left in classes and then finals. I'm not doing as well this semester as I would have liked, so I'm disappointed about that. But I can always try harder and give more of an effort next semester, which is going to be the hardest semester to get through.

I really have realized that I need to make a few important changes in my life if I'm going to survive. I have to make more time for friends, family and life as well as school. I think I get so depressed because I never make time to do anything but work and school and then I don't even want to focus on the school part, and my school work suffers as a result. I sort of have to get a balance going in my life, and then everybody wins!! But mostly me!!


So, if you have any tips or tricks to find a balance, reduce stress, or just little ways you make yourself happy, leave it in the comments!

Making the best of a bad situation!

Well, I have been working on being more focused and positive and being less grumpy. So far so good (for the most part). I did say that it would be a work in progress.

The room cleaning has stalled slightly since I have papers and assignments and what not to get done, but I still have that goal in mind. I have been pondering the idea of posting before, in progress and after shots of my room, but have nixed the idea. It's pretty bad, and although there are certain things that I am willing to be judged on (this is the Internet after all), I'm not sure that the state of my room is one of them. I will likely post pictures once it's all done because I will be very proud of the accomplishment!! But no before pics...

I find myself pondering my future more and more as my University career is coming to a close. The hope is still to attend grad school, but my grades and work experience might limit that, at least in the immediate future. So, I'm thinking about how to pay off my debt and then what to do next. Maybe another degree and some work experience that would relate to what I want to do in grad school in order to increase my chances of getting in. There is also the hope that I could be moving, not just out of my dads house (thanks for the free rent dad!) but possibly to a whole new part of the world. As much as I love Canada, and consider this my home land, it doesn't exactly feel like home. I just have this feeling that I am meant for a different life then what I have going on here. So I'm looking at the U.K., maybe Sweden (which would be an even greater challenge since I don't speak a word of swedish), or maybe some place else... I don't know! But it's exciting to think about at least.

But right now it's all just ideas and dreams. We shall see what happens!!

P.S. Today I have been pondering the idea of going into Journalism and New Media as opposed to Museum Studies... I shall investigate this possibility further!!

I've been a little negative... I'm sorry.

I've been pretty stressed out the last several weeks and I really haven't been feeling very well for the last several months, and I think it's getting to me just a little bit too much! So, I am going to work on being a bit more perky and happy because as "they" say, "You are the only person who can make you feel bad about yourself", so I guess that I am also the only person who can make myself feel better as well.

So one thing that all of you (whoever you are...) should know about me is that I do not handle stress, anxiety or disappointment very well. I either throw the worlds most epic temper tantrum (I am the master of channeling my inner 3 year old!) or I just completely shut down emotionally and physically. Last week, was a week of the later. I am not really sure what set off my total emotional breakdown, but most days getting out of bed was really not an option. And, since this is a place where I'm honest, it was really not hard to cut last week. But I did manage to avoid that nasty, unhealthy habit!! GO ME!!

I'm starting to feel a little bit more like my only somewhat less grumpy self this week, and I'm really trying to focus on the good things I've got going on. I have a wonderful family, friends (who I really should make more time for), a good life. And as a very wise alien being once said -

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda

So I am going to work on letting go of the fear, and the angry. But it will be a work in progress. 

Now that being said... I have been making some progress on some other long term goals. I had decided at the beginning of the school year that I was going to try harder to wear actual clothes to school, things with buttons and zippers, the type of clothing that touches my body! And I have to say, although every once and a while a hoodie is worn, I haven't been doing to badly in this regard! I'm really trying to break away from looking like a teenager and more like the 30 year old woman that I will be soon!! This also means that as I'm cleaning out my room and reorganizing, I'm focusing on getting rid of what is too small, too childish or just wrong. I really want to grow up my look a little bit. Not only do I think that is just good business, but I think it will just make me feel more confident and have benefits for many parts of my life. 

I am also reading several books that are acting as inspiration for... I don't want to say the new me... but the grown up me. These include: "What Would Grace do?", "What Would Audrey do?" which are inspired by two beautiful, classic and classy women; "How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World" and lastly, "Very Classy." Now, I do not want to become a stereotypical 1950's woman, but these books are about women being strong, confident and in control while not having to become over sexualized idiots! 

So, for now I am going to bed... and tomorrow I will strive to be happy(er).

So... I'm a hoarder.

Well, last week was a pretty rough week for me. I was just really stressed and overwhelmed, and truthfully, I handled in poorly. I pretty much retreated emotionally. But I'm really trying to turn it around this week and get back on track!

But I was studying today and as I was trying to focus and get things done, I looked around my room. It's a mess. A TOTAL MESS!! I have stuff crammed into every corner and cranny. And probably 85% of it is old, and completely unnecessary!! And yet, I have it, I keep it and the thought of having to get rid of it kind of stresses me out. I'm a hoarder.

So my goal is to clear out my room and get it clean and organized and looking pretty damn good! Thankfully, I have enough sense to move things and dust and vacuum, so it's not dirty like on the tv show Hoarders. But there is just soooo much stuff!! So my goal by the end of November is to have 80% of the junk gone, so that all will be left are clothes that I wear, things that I use, and things that I need!! Wish me luck and keep me accountable!