I've been a little negative... I'm sorry.

I've been pretty stressed out the last several weeks and I really haven't been feeling very well for the last several months, and I think it's getting to me just a little bit too much! So, I am going to work on being a bit more perky and happy because as "they" say, "You are the only person who can make you feel bad about yourself", so I guess that I am also the only person who can make myself feel better as well.

So one thing that all of you (whoever you are...) should know about me is that I do not handle stress, anxiety or disappointment very well. I either throw the worlds most epic temper tantrum (I am the master of channeling my inner 3 year old!) or I just completely shut down emotionally and physically. Last week, was a week of the later. I am not really sure what set off my total emotional breakdown, but most days getting out of bed was really not an option. And, since this is a place where I'm honest, it was really not hard to cut last week. But I did manage to avoid that nasty, unhealthy habit!! GO ME!!

I'm starting to feel a little bit more like my only somewhat less grumpy self this week, and I'm really trying to focus on the good things I've got going on. I have a wonderful family, friends (who I really should make more time for), a good life. And as a very wise alien being once said -

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda

So I am going to work on letting go of the fear, and the angry. But it will be a work in progress. 

Now that being said... I have been making some progress on some other long term goals. I had decided at the beginning of the school year that I was going to try harder to wear actual clothes to school, things with buttons and zippers, the type of clothing that touches my body! And I have to say, although every once and a while a hoodie is worn, I haven't been doing to badly in this regard! I'm really trying to break away from looking like a teenager and more like the 30 year old woman that I will be soon!! This also means that as I'm cleaning out my room and reorganizing, I'm focusing on getting rid of what is too small, too childish or just wrong. I really want to grow up my look a little bit. Not only do I think that is just good business, but I think it will just make me feel more confident and have benefits for many parts of my life. 

I am also reading several books that are acting as inspiration for... I don't want to say the new me... but the grown up me. These include: "What Would Grace do?", "What Would Audrey do?" which are inspired by two beautiful, classic and classy women; "How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World" and lastly, "Very Classy." Now, I do not want to become a stereotypical 1950's woman, but these books are about women being strong, confident and in control while not having to become over sexualized idiots! 

So, for now I am going to bed... and tomorrow I will strive to be happy(er).