New Years Resolutions!!

HAPPY 2014!! *fist pump!*

In previous years, I've never really stuck to my New Years resolutions. In fact, even when I make them, I never actually start them… It's pretty ineffective, but delightfully guilt-free!

This year, I thought I would actually make a few AND follow through on them! *SHOCK… AWE*

RESOLUTIONS:

1) Lose 5 pounds a month over the next 4 months.
I know that it seems strange to be so specific, but I read somewhere that if you give yourself smaller, easily measurable goals, you are more likely to stick with them. So if your resolution is to lose weight, don't think about the total amount but think about a reasonable length of time and then divide your goal by that! Losing 20 pounds seems really big and daunting, so 5 pounds seems pretty easy in comparison!

2) Save more money!
I have a trip to the U.K. coming up and after I graduate, I'll have loans to pay back, so 2014 is a good time to get my finances in order.

3) Focus on my studies
This is my last semester at school, and I really want to go out with a BANG! instead of a whimper. Last semester did not go as well as I would have liked, so this is my chance to prove to myself that I am smart and capable. Book smarts haven't come as easily to me as practical, street smarts, so the book learning takes more of an effort, and I really need to put in 100% this semester.

So, those are my resolutions for 2014! Let me know what your resolutions are in the comment below!

Best for the New Year!

Merry Christmas!

I've taken a bit of a break since the semester is over, and I can have some happy holiday time with friends and family… But I'm back now!!

Sadly, the semester did not go as well as I would have liked. But that is done, and a new semester is starting in January, so all I can do is work harder to make sure that my last semester is a better semester!! So here is my plan to make sure that happens!

1. Stay on top of my reading! ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS get this done before class, and I'll prepare notes on the readings so I can discuss them in class confidently.

2. I will also be making lists, and tracking due dates to make sure that I'm not forgetting anything.

3. Get my homework done at the earliest possible point!! Do not procrastinate!! Get in done, get it handed in, and move on to the next thing!!

So that is the game plan!!


Aside from that, I'm just busy to try to plan my future, grown up, post school life!! I want to get a job that pays me enough to pay off my debt, afford a place of my own, and plan for my future! So I'm busy researching and investigating, exploring, and I'm really enjoying the process!! It's great to sit down and plan and shape my life and see what I love and find interesting. I really recommend to anyone who is feeling stuck, to sit down with a piece of paper and engage with your life and your goals. I think there is something about seeing it on paper that makes it very real, and gives you that physical and mental map to get you there! I feel really calm about where I am, and where I'm going!

So that is all from me right now!! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!!
Much love from my Mad Mad World!

Another Semester in the Bag

Well, this semester was a tough one, but I managed to get through it. I haven't had any grades posted yet, but I really hope that I passed everything! I'm sure that I did… But I'm always concerned. You never really know!

But aside from that, I'm just trying to get myself set up for next semester. I have a pretty brutal one ahead of me, with my senior thesis, a senior seminar and Statistics (anything math related that doesn't involve money is not a strong suite.) But hopefully, I can get ahead of the game a little bit, and not have the meltdown that I had this past term!

So that is the goal for now. I'm also hoping to get back on the YouTube and get some more videos done, and posted! I have a few ideas, but if you have any ideas about what I should do, or any videos that you would like to see… Let me know!!

xoxo

I LOVE TO DO LIST'S!!

I know this seems like a really random thing to blog about, but it's my Mad Mad World, and I'm mad about TO DO LIST'S!!

If you have read my previous posts from the last few months you have seen that I have been pretty stressed out and unhappy. Well, the way I combat that is by making to do list's, whether they are daily to do list's, to do's for each class, and even a life goals to do list that I have in my Moleskine journal that is almost always with me. I also use my journal for ideas for blogs, videos, any information that I need to remember… it's all in there!

I highly recommend making TO DO LIST'S if you are like me and super busy (and maybe a little absent minded…)! They are a great way to organize your thoughts, keep track of what has and still has to be done, and I find that just getting it out of my head and onto paper helps reduce stress.

Part of what makes life stressful is having everything you have to get done or want to do, bouncing around in your head, fighting for attention! So I love my Moleskine agenda, because I can have the basic information like what time I work, or when an appointment is on a specific day on the left side and can have a to do list for either the week or a specific day on the other!! I LOVE having that visual representation of my time, and I can prioritize it so much better when it's on paper and not bouncing around in my head.

So, if you are curious about what my agenda looks like and would like me to do a post on that, let me know in the comments!!

What's in my purse!!

I felt like my blog has been very ho-hum as of late! So I thought I would do something fun today and show you what I carry in my bag! And yes, this is what is in my bag on almost a daily basis… It's shocking and a little heavy!

So this is my current bag. I bought it from Oldnavy.ca about a month ago because it was on clearance for $2.97!! I thought it was prefect for my trip to the U.K. in the summer because it has two short straps that I can get over my shoulder, and an attached cross body strap that tucks nicely under the bag when you have it shortened which keeps it out of the way! It's a great size for my carry on and I can either pack it nicely on the way back if I buy a new bag there, or I can just leave it in the U.K. because it was only $3!

So here is the inside and as you can tell… it's packed!

So the first things that I pulled out are my toque and mitts! Living in Canada in December means that this is pretty standard in anybodies bag. I also live in the country and have about a 45min drive to school, so I like to have these with me incase I end up in the ditch, or if traffic stops because of an accident, I can stay warm without having to be running my engine the whole time!

The toque is from Old Navy and the mittens are Beaver Creek and I bought them at Target!

I always have my agenda with me. I just switched over to a Moleskine agenda (skull bookmark) that I love because it has Monday through Sunday on the left side and a lined page on the right, so I can have my to do list on there and just stay more organized that way. I also have a Moleskine journal (ToyStory bookmark) so if I have any ideas for a blog or YouTube video I can jot them down, or again, just making a to do list. I also have a pencil/pen case where I keep all my school essentials including my USB.

I have to book I'm reading right now. This is a book my mom recommended to me, and I've really been enjoying it! I haven't had a lot of time for non-school related reading but finals are going to be done next week and I'm hoping I'll be able to finish it!

I have a travel size deodorant by LaVanila. It's an amazingly good deodorant from Sephora. My Nivea Soft hand cream, a winter essential. And Evian facial spray, which is just a cooling, refreshing spray that I like to use when I'm tired or stressed out when studying. It gives me a boost! Also bought at Sephora.













I have my little emergency kit, that has dry shampoo, blotting sheets, mini toothbrushes, perfume, stain remover, glasses cleaner, nail files, tissues, face wipes and painkillers!

The bag is by Sonia Kashuk and I bought it from Target!

Anyone who knows me, knows that i have a very serious lip balm addiction. I usually only have one of my lip balm pouches with me, but for some reason, they are both in this bag, along with two EOS balms and my Bite Beauty Superfruit lip balm from Sephora. The sparkly bag that looks like a candy wrapper is from Bath and Body Works, and the purple bag is from Old Navy.

I have my wallet and keys. The wallet is from Target and I love it because it has tons of spots for cards!!

And the last thing, and arguably the most important this close to finals, is antibacterial hand gel. This one is from Bath and BodyWorks, and is called Christmas Cookies! Smells sooooo good!















So that is everything I have in my bag right now! Hopefully you enjoyed the break from my usual "This is how my life is going… no change… *shock*" blogs as of late. I also have plans to film a few videos and get them up over the Christmas break!

Life is slowly returning to "normal"

Well, I have slowly been feeling better and better over the last few weeks. My stomach is still a little wobbly, but it is getting better and I feel less sick all the time. I continue to struggle with sleep and getting enough of it, but this too I think will get better with time. I'm going to buy a new pillow and see if that changes the headaches and sleep deprivation!! If anyone has any good suggestions for pillows, please leave it in the comments!

This semester is coming to end, with only about a week left in classes and then finals. I'm not doing as well this semester as I would have liked, so I'm disappointed about that. But I can always try harder and give more of an effort next semester, which is going to be the hardest semester to get through.

I really have realized that I need to make a few important changes in my life if I'm going to survive. I have to make more time for friends, family and life as well as school. I think I get so depressed because I never make time to do anything but work and school and then I don't even want to focus on the school part, and my school work suffers as a result. I sort of have to get a balance going in my life, and then everybody wins!! But mostly me!!


So, if you have any tips or tricks to find a balance, reduce stress, or just little ways you make yourself happy, leave it in the comments!

Making the best of a bad situation!

Well, I have been working on being more focused and positive and being less grumpy. So far so good (for the most part). I did say that it would be a work in progress.

The room cleaning has stalled slightly since I have papers and assignments and what not to get done, but I still have that goal in mind. I have been pondering the idea of posting before, in progress and after shots of my room, but have nixed the idea. It's pretty bad, and although there are certain things that I am willing to be judged on (this is the Internet after all), I'm not sure that the state of my room is one of them. I will likely post pictures once it's all done because I will be very proud of the accomplishment!! But no before pics...

I find myself pondering my future more and more as my University career is coming to a close. The hope is still to attend grad school, but my grades and work experience might limit that, at least in the immediate future. So, I'm thinking about how to pay off my debt and then what to do next. Maybe another degree and some work experience that would relate to what I want to do in grad school in order to increase my chances of getting in. There is also the hope that I could be moving, not just out of my dads house (thanks for the free rent dad!) but possibly to a whole new part of the world. As much as I love Canada, and consider this my home land, it doesn't exactly feel like home. I just have this feeling that I am meant for a different life then what I have going on here. So I'm looking at the U.K., maybe Sweden (which would be an even greater challenge since I don't speak a word of swedish), or maybe some place else... I don't know! But it's exciting to think about at least.

But right now it's all just ideas and dreams. We shall see what happens!!

P.S. Today I have been pondering the idea of going into Journalism and New Media as opposed to Museum Studies... I shall investigate this possibility further!!

I've been a little negative... I'm sorry.

I've been pretty stressed out the last several weeks and I really haven't been feeling very well for the last several months, and I think it's getting to me just a little bit too much! So, I am going to work on being a bit more perky and happy because as "they" say, "You are the only person who can make you feel bad about yourself", so I guess that I am also the only person who can make myself feel better as well.

So one thing that all of you (whoever you are...) should know about me is that I do not handle stress, anxiety or disappointment very well. I either throw the worlds most epic temper tantrum (I am the master of channeling my inner 3 year old!) or I just completely shut down emotionally and physically. Last week, was a week of the later. I am not really sure what set off my total emotional breakdown, but most days getting out of bed was really not an option. And, since this is a place where I'm honest, it was really not hard to cut last week. But I did manage to avoid that nasty, unhealthy habit!! GO ME!!

I'm starting to feel a little bit more like my only somewhat less grumpy self this week, and I'm really trying to focus on the good things I've got going on. I have a wonderful family, friends (who I really should make more time for), a good life. And as a very wise alien being once said -

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda

So I am going to work on letting go of the fear, and the angry. But it will be a work in progress. 

Now that being said... I have been making some progress on some other long term goals. I had decided at the beginning of the school year that I was going to try harder to wear actual clothes to school, things with buttons and zippers, the type of clothing that touches my body! And I have to say, although every once and a while a hoodie is worn, I haven't been doing to badly in this regard! I'm really trying to break away from looking like a teenager and more like the 30 year old woman that I will be soon!! This also means that as I'm cleaning out my room and reorganizing, I'm focusing on getting rid of what is too small, too childish or just wrong. I really want to grow up my look a little bit. Not only do I think that is just good business, but I think it will just make me feel more confident and have benefits for many parts of my life. 

I am also reading several books that are acting as inspiration for... I don't want to say the new me... but the grown up me. These include: "What Would Grace do?", "What Would Audrey do?" which are inspired by two beautiful, classic and classy women; "How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World" and lastly, "Very Classy." Now, I do not want to become a stereotypical 1950's woman, but these books are about women being strong, confident and in control while not having to become over sexualized idiots! 

So, for now I am going to bed... and tomorrow I will strive to be happy(er).

So... I'm a hoarder.

Well, last week was a pretty rough week for me. I was just really stressed and overwhelmed, and truthfully, I handled in poorly. I pretty much retreated emotionally. But I'm really trying to turn it around this week and get back on track!

But I was studying today and as I was trying to focus and get things done, I looked around my room. It's a mess. A TOTAL MESS!! I have stuff crammed into every corner and cranny. And probably 85% of it is old, and completely unnecessary!! And yet, I have it, I keep it and the thought of having to get rid of it kind of stresses me out. I'm a hoarder.

So my goal is to clear out my room and get it clean and organized and looking pretty damn good! Thankfully, I have enough sense to move things and dust and vacuum, so it's not dirty like on the tv show Hoarders. But there is just soooo much stuff!! So my goal by the end of November is to have 80% of the junk gone, so that all will be left are clothes that I wear, things that I use, and things that I need!! Wish me luck and keep me accountable!

So stressed out...!!!

Well, I sort of thought that after last week I would have a chance to slow down and take a breath... but no. NOPE! It's just assignment and after assignment with a sprinkling of midterm stress on top of that. I am so glad that I decided to drop my one history class because I can't even imagine how much more stressed out I would be if I stayed in that class.

So, I'm not going to lie and say that I am handling the stress well. I feel really overwhelmed and it's kind of making me want to shut down, and crawl in bed. If there was a bomb shelter close by, that's where I would be to wait out the storm that I feel like my life is right now. But instead I'm just plugging away, trying to get everything done while still making time for myself so that I can sleep and eat and breath.

I am resorting to my love of list making. I love a good, well organized list and that is helping me keep track of what has to be done, what has been done, and what is most important. This is helping a little bit. Keep your fingers crossed for me folks!! I'm going to need all the good thoughts I can get for the next few weeks!!

I have lost my head!

I'm not really sure what I was thinking this morning, but I left my phone at home!! I can picture it now, laying on my bed, alone and scared. Vibrating away as people are trying to call or text me with their very mundane thoughts and ideas, to which I can not respond with my usual 'uh huh' and 'oh yeahs'. Today is a sad, somewhat disconnected day in my world.

I would like to think I am not the type of person that requires the constant ability to connect to other people and that I am more then capable of being with out my phone for a few hours, but from the moment I realized that it was at home - I have felt like I am missing an arm (or at least a finger, or maybe a toe). I never realized how dependent I am on my phone!!

For example - I have no idea what my home phone number is!! No clue... it starts with a 9, but after that I've got nothing. So if something were to happen on my 45min long drive home (part of which is on the highway), I have no way to call my dad to help me even if I were able to borrow someone elses phone. So now, I'm convinced that something will happen because I am unprepared for it to happen. I don't have my cell to call for help or a tow truck and I don't have any numbers memorized to call for help if I have access to a different phone... It's the strangest sensation.

I FEEL SO LOST!!

Making changes...

So after a fairly major panic attack yesterday centred around one of my senior level classes, I made the choice today to drop it, and take a different one next semester. This is going to make my final semester pretty sucky as I will have a senior seminar, my senior thesis and a statistics class... But ultimately, I think this is the right call. At least I hope it is.

Yesterday was not a very good day emotionally. I have been tired, stressed out, sick and not sleeping well, none of which is helping with my academics!! So I woke up yesterday and was just near tears all day long, skipped school to stay home and be miserable, and still don't feel all that well today. I will admit that I do sometimes get into these moods where I can be a little bit dramatic (yes, I know mom and dad... it's more then a little). However, I also know myself well enough to know that it will only get worse if I don't nip it in the butt!! After the major breakdown I suffered last year, I really want to stay on top of what I have to do and keep my goal of grad school in mind.

So let us see what happens! I just really hope this doesn't backfire on me and I really screw myself next term!!


But aside from that, life has been alright. I'm starting to think that my life is a series of hits and misses and although I feel like there have been far more misses then hits in the last month, I am making the choice to stay positive and remember that my life always seems to work out the way that it is supposed to!!

Fibromyalgia

So eight years ago (give or take), I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This cam after a few years of just generally feeling crumby and stiff all the time. Both myself and my doctor believed that I likely had arthritis, or another auto-immune disorder, however, after several blood tests, bone scans, x-rays, and specialists, that wasn't the case. So I was told the problem was fibromyalgia!

Several years after that, a new issue arose. I noticed one hot summer day that my feet were pretty swollen. I didn't think it was too strange at first because I just thought it was the heat and it would go away soon enough. Now, not only did it not get better, it got sooooooo much worse. The swelling worsened, and spread though-out my body. My feet, knees, shoulders, elbows, and hands all puffed up! All of the doctors that I saw at the time had no idea what was going on, and all test results came back completely normal (thanks body for that little trick), and the doctors still have no idea what would have caused that to happen. But I lived like that for a month and a half before finding my acupuncturist. And let me tell you what I difference that made!! After two treatments, the swelling was almost completely gone and the symptoms of my fibromyalgia were also eased tremendously.

So you are probably wondering what fibromyalgia is...

Fibromyalgia is a syndrome that is chacterized by pain in the muscles and soft tissue. It affects more women then men, although men can also suffer from the condition. Its symptoms include:

• Chronic muscle pain, muscle spasms and tightness
• Moderate to sever fatigue
• Insomnia
• Stiffness upon waking up or staying in one position for too long
• Difficulty remembering and concentrating
• Abdominal pain, bloating and nausea 
• Tension and migraine headaches
• Feeling anxious or depressed 
• Feeling of swelling (without any actual swelling) in hands and feet

(Thank you to WebMD for a complete list)

So basically, I am in a degree if pain and discomfort everyday. Some days it's pretty awful and I'm extremely uncomfortable and in a lot of pain (like today), but thankfully, most days I'm just a little uncomfortable and can deal with it. There are also times when the pain is more localized and only affects certain areas of my body, which is usually my hands and feet. On those days, it almost feels like my fingers or toes are broken, which is just a strange sensation to live with.

When I was first diagnosed, I was taking some pretty strong pain killers to get me through the day (they were so strong that I cut them down so that I was only taking enough to take the edge off of the pain a little bit). But now I manage it with the acupuncture, over the counter pain relievers and yoga! I really didn't like being on the prescription pain medication, so I'm glad that I found something else that worked!! I'm just so young, and I don't want to be on anything that strong unless I really don't have any other options. And here is hoping that I will always have other options!!

Product Review!

First, I just want to say that none of this is endorsed. These are all simply products that I have tried and love!

So the first product I want to rave about is Soap and Glory Sugar Crush Body Scrub. It contains Smashed Brown Sugar and Sweet Lime, so it smells AMAZING!! This is the third scrub from Soap and Glory that I have used and they are wonderful!!

I bought this one at Shoppers Drug Mart, but you can also buy Soap and Glory at Sephora.ca (online only - thus far). And I highly recommend any of there scrubs. I have tried a few of their body butters and lotions as well. The only issue that I had with them was that they are fragranced and it's a little bit to strong of a smell for me personally (especially since I have VERY sensitive skin. But give them a try if you don't suffer from that problem like I do!

The second product is St. Ives Body Lotion. This one is the Intensive Healing with Cranberry Seed & Grape Seed Oil. It also smells amazing!! It is very moisturizing and absorbs quickly which is a major benefit. I hate being sticky after applying moisturizer.

And last, but not least, is Cake Satin Sugar Sweet Dry Shampoo. I had never tried a dry shampoo before I bought this one, and I'm so glad that I gave it a try. My hair is really dull and flat and by the end of the day, it is completely lifeless. So when I have an event, this is great to just toss in my bag and when I have a second, I just spray a little in my hair to give it a little extra bounce! And, as always, it smells fantastic!!

You can buy it at Sephora, in store and online!

I'm sorry I haven't posted sooner!

I'm sorry that I haven't written in awhile. I have been busy with school work and studying, and just haven't had a chance to sit down and write for fun!!

So here is what I have been up to:

A lot of studying!! In a previous post I talked about my hatred of speaking in class, and it's a fear I have managed to conquer twice this week in both of my history classes!! SWEET!!

I've been attempting online dating. It has not been going well. Although I have been talking to a few nice, normal guys, there have also been a number of VERY bizarre guys as well!! Now, I am a believer that you should be able to do whatever you want as long as it is going on between consenting adults and no one is being hurt (unless that is what they want...), then let your freak flag fly! But there must be a website somewhere for people with similar interests, so go on that one!! Stay away from us librarian types who just want a nice, normal guy. Needless to say, I will likely be deleting my profile shortly.

My mom and I also went to Banff this past weekend for a girly weekend away! It was amazing!! We had tickets to see Christopher Plummer perform at The Banff Arts Centre. He was reciting Shakespeare along with orchestral accompaniment, and it was unbelievably good!! We also met Gabriel Hogan, who is an actor from Heartland. He is very nice, and it was very cool to meet him, especially since I super awkwardly asked him if he was an actor because he seemed familiar, and then my mom had to carry on the conversation because I'm dork! But anyway...

One of the other things that we did on our way to Banff, was to stop in Calgary for the Study Abroad Fair. It basically had several schools from the United States and Europe so that potential students could go and ask questions and get information regarding programs. It was very, very helpful!! There were two schools from the U.K. that have the program that I am interested in and I was able to exchange information, so hopefully when my mom and I go next summer, I'll be able to set up some school tours. I also learned a lot about student visa's and one of the gentlemen I was speaking to brought up the possibility of getting dual citizenship and the I pay European Union fees which saves me a ton of money!! That is if I can get dual citizenship. My grandfather was born in Northern Ireland and from what I have been able to research from the internet (reliable source I know), it should be possible!! But the next step would be to contact the consulate and see what information I can get from someone who actually deals with it everyday! But the thought of it is very exciting!!

But thats really whats been going on with me for the last few weeks! As always, I encourage comments! Feel free to let me know how school is going for any of you, or just whats been going on!

Oh Week...

So this week has kinda sucked. There have been some high points, but also some pretty low points as well. So where to begin? Hmmm... I guess I shall begin at the beginning.

Saturday was a good day. I had the whole weekend off of work, so without anything better to do (which occurred because I left my textbooks at school), I went to go see a horror movie with a male friend. I will now call him Boy. So Boy and I have gone to school for awhile but never really talked very much until these last few weeks. So Boy and I go to dinner first and then a movie and then to coffee afterwards.

Now, since I am a girl (I know, what a shock!), I was very curious as to whether or not this was in fact a date. So after having a really good time, I asked because that's how I roll! And confirmed that yes that had turned into a date somewhere along the way. Great!! So then Boy invited me to a party/gathering that he was having on Sunday with a few of his friends and I decided I would go. This was a challenge since I'm super awkward when I first start to get to know people and meeting a really tight knit group of people can be pretty intimidating. But they were all really nice and made me feel really welcome (even though I was probably super awkward!)

So after the shindig broke up, Boy and I decided to watch season 2 of Sons of Anarchy. Well, maybe not the whole season, more like the first two episodes. I ended up crashing at his place since by the time to second episode was over, I was exhausted!! (Get your minds out of the trash people - It was not that kind of sleep over!)

But the next day, both Boy and I realized that maybe we should just be friends. That way we can hang out and have fun with out any of the relationship drama that might come with dating somebody that you are in school with and have a class with. I mean, how awkward is it when you date someone, break up, and still have to see them every freakin' day!! Sooo gross!!

Now, even though I was bummed out at first about not dating him, what I did realize was that although dating him might not be the right move. I am now totally ready to date!! Look out world!! I am on the hunt for my Prince Charming!!

So that was the bad/good news of the week I guess. But the bad news is that Tuesday rolled around and despite feeling fine on the morning, by the time my evening seminar rolled around, my tummy was feeling less then stellar. I was gross. I thought that maybe it was just my paralyzing fear of speaking up in class, but by the time I got home, it was the flu. Combined with some seasonal allergies that were making my head feel very fuzzed up and gross. So delightful. Needless to say, I ended up staying home from class on Wednesday as well to recoup. By Thursday, it was not soo bad, and I was able to go to class and work that evening without a problem.

Now today, which is Friday, I managed to go see two of my professors who were able to give me some great topic advice for papers so I'm feeling a lot calmer about that. Now I just have to get some homework done tonight, a ton of reading done over the weekend and then survive next week (which will hopefully go better then this one did.

And next weekend is also my mother/daughter trip to Banff so look forward to my blog AND YouTube video (I promise there will be one!) about that little adventure!!

Confessional: Self Harm

In a previous post I talked about my struggle with an eating disorder, and as much I would like to say that this has been my only struggle, I also had a battle with self harm. And in my case, this was cutting.

Self harm can mean any number of things. It most commonly manifests itself in cutting the skin, however in some cases, burning the skin, punching or striking yourself or engaging in any behaviour that is intentionally harmful to yourself are also considered Self Harm. Some consider self harm as a cry for attention and don't take it very seriously, but it can be extremely dangerous!!

So, I want to share my experience with cutting, and I just want to say that this is solely based on my own experience and not all situations are the same.

As I began to receive treatment for my anorexia, I was having trouble dealing with stressful situations. I felt like my only coping mechanism was taken away, and I didn't know what to do. One night, after a bit of pacing and stressing, I picked up a blade for a box cutter and made a small cut on my upper arm. I almost instantly felt calmer and relaxed. I made another cut and then another. I now understand that what was happening was that my body was releasing endorphins and adrenaline to battle the pain. At the time though, it just felt good. The rush was an instant release, and not only was there a physical reaction, it also acted as a mental break. I had something else to focus on.

And that was the start of three years of cutting. I was lucky in that it was a somewhat infrequent part of my life and I never cut so deep that I am left with scars. I finally stopped when I began to grow up and learned a new skill set to deal with all of this stress. I learned to talk about things right away when things begin to pile up and the best tip for coping and working it out, is to write it down. Whenever I need to work out an issue, I write it down and work it through that way. I will admit that sometimes when life seems really overwhelming, I do think about cutting or restricting my food, but I know that it will only make everything worse!!

Life's Little Let Downs

So, I have been un-enrolled in a class that I swear I had the pre-requist class for... Hmmmmm. I could have sworn that I had the right high school math class to take statistics, but I guess I don't, although my University has no record of my high school transcripts at all. Ponder! But that is fine. It is one less thing I have to worry about this semester, and can now take it next semester instead, and all I have to do is pass a small exam to prove that I can do statistics. So that is what I shall do!! But still.... grrrrrrrr.

But aside from that, I think that this semester will be both challenging and rewarding. I hope. If I don't kill myself that is. Which hopefully I won't. With not having to worry about statistics, that will give me more time to focus on my major papers and assignments. I really want to get the best grades possible since I want to get into a good graduate studies program in Europe. I'm just hoping that I can pull this all off without too much trouble, although the fact that I have three presentations to do this semester and a very major one to do next semester with my senior thesis does not help at all.

I don't know why I get such major anxiety when it comes to presentations, but I just can't handle them. I cry uncontrollably and can't breath. Even just thinking about them makes me very stressed out. I have tried all sorts of ways to stay calm and not get soooo worked up, but they never seem to work. I've practiced in front of family and friends, in front of other teachers or professors. Nothing helps. If I am part of a group of students, it doesn't seem to be as bad, or speaking on a subject that I am well aquatinted. But most of the time I turn into a huge blubbering mess and I can't control it. It's pretty embarrassing.

Anyone have any ideas?

Attempting to Study...

Well, the first week of classes are over and I have to say that I'm over whelmed. I knew that my course load was heavy and the work load would be hectic, but it is sooo much more then that. I am nervous about everything that has to happen and the time frame that it has to happen in. I have three major papers, several midterms and three presentations (which I dread the most!) and a ton of homework assignments for two of my classes. And of course there are my finals, which as of right now, are clumped together.

So naturally, instead of reading, I'm blogging.

And there is also work and life to consider. Not to mention maintaining this blog and my YouTube channel. Thankfully, I'm single so I don't have a boyfriend vying for my time and attention. Although, it might be nice to have a boyfriend who can listen to my whining and complaining, and be supportive when I need it. And give neck rubs. All this hunching over books creates some serious knots. I have my great friends and family though, and they are just as good. But enough of my whining.

Coming up at the end of the month, my mom and I are heading to Banff for an event at The Banff Center for the Arts. We were planning on going straight to Banff so that we can settle in and I can get some school work done, however, I received an email from a university in Berkeley California. They informed me that they would be in Calgary the very same weekend that we are heading south to Banff. Talk about fate!! So we are now making a stop to see this university at the Study and Go Abroad Fair. It will be a quick stop so that we can still get to Banff at a good time. I love perfectly timed events!!

So it looks like I am going to have a very busy September!

Good Study Habits!!

So I thought I would do a post about good study habits for not only your benefit, but also as a nice reminder to myself about what I need to do to get the best possible grades this year!!

So here it goes:

1) Complete all assigned readings before each class. I know this seems daunting, especially if you have a full course load. But it is very important for several reasons.
   A. When you have done the reading, you will have a clearer understanding of what the professor is discussing in class.
   B. If you have questions about any of the material, you can bring it up during that class when it is relevant, as opposed to the next class, or during office hours when it may not be.
   C. If the class is a seminar class, you will be expected to participate in the discussion regarding the reading, and the professor will be able to tell if you didn't do it. Trust me.

2) When doing your reading assignments, do them properly. Now I know what you're thinking, all you have to do is read, right? Wrong. You have to comprehend, analyse and interpret the information. So here is how to read properly:
   A. Read the material all the way through without highlighting, flagging or taking notes on it. Just read it, slowly.
   B. Once you have read it, now you want to go back and skim for the main points or thesis.
   C. Once those have been identified, you can then start highlighting and flagging not only that material, but also the evidence, sources used, etc. and make sure that you are taking notes about the material, or what your opinions are of it.
   D. Also make sure you make note of any questions or concerns you have, so that you can bring them up during class.

3) Schedule your time wisely. Make sure you are paying attention to everything that you have to do in a given week and budget your time accordingly. What will take the most time, the least, subjects you maybe need to focus on more. And don't forget about down time. Your brain can only do so much and it needs a break, so take sometime to take a walk, or watch your favourite t.v. show.

4) Be mindful of due dates!! I can not stress this enough!! You might be able to get an extension from a professor, but ask early, because unless you have the best reason out there, the day before simply won't cut it.

5) Triple check exam times and set two alarms. I have yet to meet a professor who will let you write an exam after the fact because you slept in, or forgot the date.

6) Remember why you are there. Even if a class isn't very exciting, or maybe not your main interest, it does serve a purpose, so stay focused.

7) And lastly, grades are important, but they are not the end all/be all of life. If you're not doing as well as you would like, find a study group, talk to the professor, or drop the class and try again later. And you can bounce back from bad grades, I've done it many times. I even failed a class, and look at me now!! It will be fine!!

Hopefully, you find these helpful and as always, please feel free to leave your tips and tricks in the comments below!