I'm sorry I haven't posted sooner!

I'm sorry that I haven't written in awhile. I have been busy with school work and studying, and just haven't had a chance to sit down and write for fun!!

So here is what I have been up to:

A lot of studying!! In a previous post I talked about my hatred of speaking in class, and it's a fear I have managed to conquer twice this week in both of my history classes!! SWEET!!

I've been attempting online dating. It has not been going well. Although I have been talking to a few nice, normal guys, there have also been a number of VERY bizarre guys as well!! Now, I am a believer that you should be able to do whatever you want as long as it is going on between consenting adults and no one is being hurt (unless that is what they want...), then let your freak flag fly! But there must be a website somewhere for people with similar interests, so go on that one!! Stay away from us librarian types who just want a nice, normal guy. Needless to say, I will likely be deleting my profile shortly.

My mom and I also went to Banff this past weekend for a girly weekend away! It was amazing!! We had tickets to see Christopher Plummer perform at The Banff Arts Centre. He was reciting Shakespeare along with orchestral accompaniment, and it was unbelievably good!! We also met Gabriel Hogan, who is an actor from Heartland. He is very nice, and it was very cool to meet him, especially since I super awkwardly asked him if he was an actor because he seemed familiar, and then my mom had to carry on the conversation because I'm dork! But anyway...

One of the other things that we did on our way to Banff, was to stop in Calgary for the Study Abroad Fair. It basically had several schools from the United States and Europe so that potential students could go and ask questions and get information regarding programs. It was very, very helpful!! There were two schools from the U.K. that have the program that I am interested in and I was able to exchange information, so hopefully when my mom and I go next summer, I'll be able to set up some school tours. I also learned a lot about student visa's and one of the gentlemen I was speaking to brought up the possibility of getting dual citizenship and the I pay European Union fees which saves me a ton of money!! That is if I can get dual citizenship. My grandfather was born in Northern Ireland and from what I have been able to research from the internet (reliable source I know), it should be possible!! But the next step would be to contact the consulate and see what information I can get from someone who actually deals with it everyday! But the thought of it is very exciting!!

But thats really whats been going on with me for the last few weeks! As always, I encourage comments! Feel free to let me know how school is going for any of you, or just whats been going on!

Oh Week...

So this week has kinda sucked. There have been some high points, but also some pretty low points as well. So where to begin? Hmmm... I guess I shall begin at the beginning.

Saturday was a good day. I had the whole weekend off of work, so without anything better to do (which occurred because I left my textbooks at school), I went to go see a horror movie with a male friend. I will now call him Boy. So Boy and I have gone to school for awhile but never really talked very much until these last few weeks. So Boy and I go to dinner first and then a movie and then to coffee afterwards.

Now, since I am a girl (I know, what a shock!), I was very curious as to whether or not this was in fact a date. So after having a really good time, I asked because that's how I roll! And confirmed that yes that had turned into a date somewhere along the way. Great!! So then Boy invited me to a party/gathering that he was having on Sunday with a few of his friends and I decided I would go. This was a challenge since I'm super awkward when I first start to get to know people and meeting a really tight knit group of people can be pretty intimidating. But they were all really nice and made me feel really welcome (even though I was probably super awkward!)

So after the shindig broke up, Boy and I decided to watch season 2 of Sons of Anarchy. Well, maybe not the whole season, more like the first two episodes. I ended up crashing at his place since by the time to second episode was over, I was exhausted!! (Get your minds out of the trash people - It was not that kind of sleep over!)

But the next day, both Boy and I realized that maybe we should just be friends. That way we can hang out and have fun with out any of the relationship drama that might come with dating somebody that you are in school with and have a class with. I mean, how awkward is it when you date someone, break up, and still have to see them every freakin' day!! Sooo gross!!

Now, even though I was bummed out at first about not dating him, what I did realize was that although dating him might not be the right move. I am now totally ready to date!! Look out world!! I am on the hunt for my Prince Charming!!

So that was the bad/good news of the week I guess. But the bad news is that Tuesday rolled around and despite feeling fine on the morning, by the time my evening seminar rolled around, my tummy was feeling less then stellar. I was gross. I thought that maybe it was just my paralyzing fear of speaking up in class, but by the time I got home, it was the flu. Combined with some seasonal allergies that were making my head feel very fuzzed up and gross. So delightful. Needless to say, I ended up staying home from class on Wednesday as well to recoup. By Thursday, it was not soo bad, and I was able to go to class and work that evening without a problem.

Now today, which is Friday, I managed to go see two of my professors who were able to give me some great topic advice for papers so I'm feeling a lot calmer about that. Now I just have to get some homework done tonight, a ton of reading done over the weekend and then survive next week (which will hopefully go better then this one did.

And next weekend is also my mother/daughter trip to Banff so look forward to my blog AND YouTube video (I promise there will be one!) about that little adventure!!

Confessional: Self Harm

In a previous post I talked about my struggle with an eating disorder, and as much I would like to say that this has been my only struggle, I also had a battle with self harm. And in my case, this was cutting.

Self harm can mean any number of things. It most commonly manifests itself in cutting the skin, however in some cases, burning the skin, punching or striking yourself or engaging in any behaviour that is intentionally harmful to yourself are also considered Self Harm. Some consider self harm as a cry for attention and don't take it very seriously, but it can be extremely dangerous!!

So, I want to share my experience with cutting, and I just want to say that this is solely based on my own experience and not all situations are the same.

As I began to receive treatment for my anorexia, I was having trouble dealing with stressful situations. I felt like my only coping mechanism was taken away, and I didn't know what to do. One night, after a bit of pacing and stressing, I picked up a blade for a box cutter and made a small cut on my upper arm. I almost instantly felt calmer and relaxed. I made another cut and then another. I now understand that what was happening was that my body was releasing endorphins and adrenaline to battle the pain. At the time though, it just felt good. The rush was an instant release, and not only was there a physical reaction, it also acted as a mental break. I had something else to focus on.

And that was the start of three years of cutting. I was lucky in that it was a somewhat infrequent part of my life and I never cut so deep that I am left with scars. I finally stopped when I began to grow up and learned a new skill set to deal with all of this stress. I learned to talk about things right away when things begin to pile up and the best tip for coping and working it out, is to write it down. Whenever I need to work out an issue, I write it down and work it through that way. I will admit that sometimes when life seems really overwhelming, I do think about cutting or restricting my food, but I know that it will only make everything worse!!

Life's Little Let Downs

So, I have been un-enrolled in a class that I swear I had the pre-requist class for... Hmmmmm. I could have sworn that I had the right high school math class to take statistics, but I guess I don't, although my University has no record of my high school transcripts at all. Ponder! But that is fine. It is one less thing I have to worry about this semester, and can now take it next semester instead, and all I have to do is pass a small exam to prove that I can do statistics. So that is what I shall do!! But still.... grrrrrrrr.

But aside from that, I think that this semester will be both challenging and rewarding. I hope. If I don't kill myself that is. Which hopefully I won't. With not having to worry about statistics, that will give me more time to focus on my major papers and assignments. I really want to get the best grades possible since I want to get into a good graduate studies program in Europe. I'm just hoping that I can pull this all off without too much trouble, although the fact that I have three presentations to do this semester and a very major one to do next semester with my senior thesis does not help at all.

I don't know why I get such major anxiety when it comes to presentations, but I just can't handle them. I cry uncontrollably and can't breath. Even just thinking about them makes me very stressed out. I have tried all sorts of ways to stay calm and not get soooo worked up, but they never seem to work. I've practiced in front of family and friends, in front of other teachers or professors. Nothing helps. If I am part of a group of students, it doesn't seem to be as bad, or speaking on a subject that I am well aquatinted. But most of the time I turn into a huge blubbering mess and I can't control it. It's pretty embarrassing.

Anyone have any ideas?

Attempting to Study...

Well, the first week of classes are over and I have to say that I'm over whelmed. I knew that my course load was heavy and the work load would be hectic, but it is sooo much more then that. I am nervous about everything that has to happen and the time frame that it has to happen in. I have three major papers, several midterms and three presentations (which I dread the most!) and a ton of homework assignments for two of my classes. And of course there are my finals, which as of right now, are clumped together.

So naturally, instead of reading, I'm blogging.

And there is also work and life to consider. Not to mention maintaining this blog and my YouTube channel. Thankfully, I'm single so I don't have a boyfriend vying for my time and attention. Although, it might be nice to have a boyfriend who can listen to my whining and complaining, and be supportive when I need it. And give neck rubs. All this hunching over books creates some serious knots. I have my great friends and family though, and they are just as good. But enough of my whining.

Coming up at the end of the month, my mom and I are heading to Banff for an event at The Banff Center for the Arts. We were planning on going straight to Banff so that we can settle in and I can get some school work done, however, I received an email from a university in Berkeley California. They informed me that they would be in Calgary the very same weekend that we are heading south to Banff. Talk about fate!! So we are now making a stop to see this university at the Study and Go Abroad Fair. It will be a quick stop so that we can still get to Banff at a good time. I love perfectly timed events!!

So it looks like I am going to have a very busy September!

Good Study Habits!!

So I thought I would do a post about good study habits for not only your benefit, but also as a nice reminder to myself about what I need to do to get the best possible grades this year!!

So here it goes:

1) Complete all assigned readings before each class. I know this seems daunting, especially if you have a full course load. But it is very important for several reasons.
   A. When you have done the reading, you will have a clearer understanding of what the professor is discussing in class.
   B. If you have questions about any of the material, you can bring it up during that class when it is relevant, as opposed to the next class, or during office hours when it may not be.
   C. If the class is a seminar class, you will be expected to participate in the discussion regarding the reading, and the professor will be able to tell if you didn't do it. Trust me.

2) When doing your reading assignments, do them properly. Now I know what you're thinking, all you have to do is read, right? Wrong. You have to comprehend, analyse and interpret the information. So here is how to read properly:
   A. Read the material all the way through without highlighting, flagging or taking notes on it. Just read it, slowly.
   B. Once you have read it, now you want to go back and skim for the main points or thesis.
   C. Once those have been identified, you can then start highlighting and flagging not only that material, but also the evidence, sources used, etc. and make sure that you are taking notes about the material, or what your opinions are of it.
   D. Also make sure you make note of any questions or concerns you have, so that you can bring them up during class.

3) Schedule your time wisely. Make sure you are paying attention to everything that you have to do in a given week and budget your time accordingly. What will take the most time, the least, subjects you maybe need to focus on more. And don't forget about down time. Your brain can only do so much and it needs a break, so take sometime to take a walk, or watch your favourite t.v. show.

4) Be mindful of due dates!! I can not stress this enough!! You might be able to get an extension from a professor, but ask early, because unless you have the best reason out there, the day before simply won't cut it.

5) Triple check exam times and set two alarms. I have yet to meet a professor who will let you write an exam after the fact because you slept in, or forgot the date.

6) Remember why you are there. Even if a class isn't very exciting, or maybe not your main interest, it does serve a purpose, so stay focused.

7) And lastly, grades are important, but they are not the end all/be all of life. If you're not doing as well as you would like, find a study group, talk to the professor, or drop the class and try again later. And you can bounce back from bad grades, I've done it many times. I even failed a class, and look at me now!! It will be fine!!

Hopefully, you find these helpful and as always, please feel free to leave your tips and tricks in the comments below!

First day of school... Done and Done.

So, I had my first day back at University today. I was sooooo excited despite knowing what I was in for. But I'm actually less worried about Statistics then I was yesterday, although I did discover that I'm in the "harder" Stats Lab. But the "easier" lab does not fit into my schedule, so I guess I'm stuck!

And I think that Linguistics will go fairly well, but it's going to be one of those classes that I'm really going to have to work at and study a lot for. I doubt it will come naturally to me... But truthfully, book learning does not come very naturally to me at all, ever. I don't know why, because I really enjoy school and learning, but I'm a very hands on - figure it out as you go kind of person. SO this will be a challenge, but it is a challenge that I'm up for!

And then there was my History 411 class. This is a seminar class, which I know would mean a lot of reading, and writing, and some more reading. And of course, talking about the reading in class. Now, it's not that I don't complete the assigned readings or have opinions about the readings, but I just take a second to think about what I want to say, or what the answer is. Which generally means that by the time I have thought about what I want to say, someone else has already said it. So all I can contribute is a really intelligent "What they said.", or "I agree with that." But what truly terrifies me more then anything is the fact that I will have to give a presentation in front of the class (which is fairly small) and that presentation is worth 20% of my grade!! CRAP!! I am terrified of speaking in front of classes. I started to cry as he was explaining it. I don't know why it is that I can do somethings easily, and other things not so much! For example - Leading a 40 person orientation at work = easy, speaking in front of 10 people and a professor who is an expert = panic attack and uncontrollable sobbing. I am not looking forward to this all, but I will have to figure it out because it's 20% and I am not losing that much of my grade. I think I might try talking to my prof and see if I can beg, borrow and steal my way around this somehow. *sigh*

But I'm not going to stress about that right now, because I have two more brand new classes to stress about tomorrow.

If anyone has any advice to get through dreaded public speaking, leave it in the comments below!!

What's in my School Bag!!

One more year!

School starts on Tuesday and as long as I pass everything (cross your fingers for me!) this will be my final year!! I have a pretty tough course load with 5 classes and a lab the first semester and my senior thesis and 2 classes my second semester.

So my first semester is going to be the real challenge. On top of two pretty tough history classes, I have Statistics and Linguistics. Now, even though this are intro level classes, they are very math orientated. I am not math orientated. So as you can imagine, I am stressed out about it. But it will be fine. I have to remember that I have to ask for help when I need it, and it won't be that bad. I don't need to ace these classes I just need to pass them.

And then there are my history classes. I have a 300 level history class on the Social History of Britain and a 400 level which is Topics in British History. I'm really hoping that having the two classes together will balance each other and one will help the other. What is also nice, is that they are both taught by the same professor. I've had this prof before and didn't do terribly well in that class, but that might be because I didn't connect with the subject matter as much. So hopefully I connect more with these ones.

I also have a 300 level anthropology class with is Space and Place. Not sure how interesting I'll find it but I might be surprised. And I really like the professor, so that is bound to help!

So I just hope that this semester goes well, and hopefully the second one will as well. My only hope is that I can get the grades I'm hoping for because I really hope to get the best grades possible so that I can get into graduate school in the UK.

And of course I want this last year to go well because at the end of it all, I have the best graduation present a girl can ask for! 3 weeks in Europe with my mom!! Part of the reason for the trip is to check out a few of the graduate programs I'm looking at in Belfast and around London. But the other part of it is that I have never been to Europe!! I've never really been outside of the North America, with the exception of a Caribbean cruise for my brothers wedding. My mom has been to the UK and my dad has been all over Europe!! Lucky ducks! And I am sooo excited about this trip! I have already started buying things that I need, like travel adapters, and packing cubes. I have even started making a list of what I want to pack and things I still need to buy. Yes, I am that freakishly prepared!!


So, please cross your fingers for me... pray... whatever will help!! Lol

Welcome to Christie's Mad Mad World - YouTube Version

Sonia Kashuk Haul!

So if you can't tell by now, one of my favorite places to shop is Target. And one of the lines that Target carries is a make up line by Sonia Kashuk and I have been buying a lot of it as of late, so I thought I would share some of the things I have bought and enjoy! 

So the first thing I bought was 2 different nail polish colours. The first one is Grey Matter. It is a really beautiful deep grey/purple colour and will be really nice in the fall!


$4.79

The second colour is called Fatigued. It is a really pretty mossy green colour and it accents Grey Matter really nicely!

Both colours cover really well and two coats was enough to get the job done.

Now, the one thing I will share is that Fatigued was on clearance so if you think you might like it - get to Target now!!

$1.49

This line also has amazing brushes and brush sets, including travel sizes. Even though I don't do a huge amount of traveling (at least right now), travel brushes are great for just throwing in your bag for touch ups on the go, or having in your locker or gym bag.

So the first one that I wanted to get was the travel lash curler. There is nothing more annoying then when your lashes get all crazy and this one is nice because it folds up so it takes up less space and it works really well. Very happy!!

                                                                                                                                    $9.99

I also got a set of travel brushes. What I loved about this set was the hard case so if you do throw it into a bag or your purse you don't have to worry about the brushes getting smooshed and wrecked.

It covers all the basic brushes that you need and they are a really good quality as well. I also liked that you can take the bottom of the lip brush of and it becomes a cap to keep it nice and protected.

The set includes: a powder brush, a foundation brush, lash/brow comb, as well as lip, shadow, smudge, liner and a crease brush.

$20.99

I decided to pick up a second set of small travel brushes as well. These ones are just in a small canvas case with a mirror inside. This set is just a set of eye make up brushes.

Included in this set: a shadow brush, smudge brush, liner, blending brush and a crease brush.

                                                                                                           $11.99

And the last item I picked up is this fabulous bag! It's called the Completely Organized Cosmetic Case. Now this is why it is my favourite item that I bought from Sonia.

I have an obsession with keeping my purse's and bags organized. I get so annoyed when I have to dig around to find something I need, so I try to keep smaller items such as lip balms and gum (and everything else that ends up in the bottom of your purse) in small make up bags. But this is my ideal bag! Where other bogs are just one large open space, this one actually has pockets all over it including a zipper section in the front. I love that!!

I have a purse organizer for my smaller purses (which I will show you when I get around to doing a What's in my purse blog) but this is perfect for my larger bags - which is the size I use most often! I am soooooooo happy with this purchase!

And the best part is the price... Get ready for it....
$4.49!!!

WHAT?! Such a good price for such a great bag! I think I'm going to get another one for my mom, and maybe a third one for me because it might be the best money I ever spend twice!

15 Facts About Me!

I thought I'd do this blog so that all you get to know a little more about me!

1) I have one sibling - an older brother who is married, and they have my little sweetie pie niece.

2) I love rain!! Thunder storms are the best thing in the world!

3) I HATE onions. I hate the smell of them, the taste of them. Just seeing them makes me angry!!

4) I also hate pickles.

5) My dream job would be one where I get to sleep all day and make money.

6) I love the smell of puppy breath. I don't know why, but I just love it!!

7) I hate public speaking! In some cases, I'm totally fine, but whenever I have to give a presentation in front of a class, I usually end up balling and having a panic attack. It's delightful (*eye roll*)

8) My favorite color is purple.

9) Even though I'm a fully functioning 29 year old, I still love Disney movies! Go The Little Mermaid!!

10) I love pigs and collect anything and everything with pigs on it. I even have a pig bra!

11) I'm really close with my family, and count my mom as one of my closest friends.

12) I have far too many purses and shoes!! I have huge containers full of both and even after going through and donating the ones I don't use or wear, I still have tons!! I really shouldn't buy more (yeah... right...)

13) I have an addiction to lip balms. I always have at least two with me everywhere I go and I can't stand being without it!

14) I am the least tech savvy person alive. It's so confusing and I get frustrated really quickly when it doesn't work or it does not work the way I think it should.

15) And lastly, as you can all tell, I'm a horrible speller. And I'm also bad at checking my work and making sure that what I want to say, is what was actually said!! But hopefully, this blog will improve on that!!

So there are 15 facts about me!! There are plenty more to share, so expect more posts!!
And as always, feel free to leave comments below if there is anything you relate to, or if you have some blog post ideas that you would like to see!!

Hilary's going away dinner

So last night I went out for dinner with my friend Hilary. She had a tea at her house last weekend, but unfortunately my puppy got sick that day and just wanted mommy snuggles, so I missed the tea and another friends BBQ. Don't worry, puppy is fine now! Back to her crazy self!

But Hilary and I decided to head out for dinner to say good bye since she is moving to the coast in a few days to go to University there. So we met up at Boston Pizza (which is my all time favorite place to eat - it's an actual addiction at this point) for a catch up. Now, Hil was a chef in a previous incarnation so she's a foodie, where I am a super picky eater, so I'm thankful to have friends who put up with me and my eating habits.

So for appetizers, she ordered a spinach salad and I ordered bandera bread which I then covered in Parmesan cheese!! So good!









So we munched on that and got caught up on life since we have last seen each other. She and I have been friends since high school, but we have had periods of time where we haven't seen each other so catching up is always a long process!

So after our nummie appetizers, are main course arrived.

So Hil had perogy pizza and I had steak with fries. And now the conversation turned to her first year at University and my last year!! We were both so excited to be starting this phase of life and there was lots to talk about as you can imagine!









And after dinner, we headed to the mall to Sephora where Hil needed to pick up a few things and I needed nothing, but that never stops me! I recently bought a dual ended lipstick from Sephora by a Canadian company called Bite. The lipsticks are really good quality and a nice creamy texture so I thought I would check out what other colors they had. I didn't end up buying a new lipstick, but I did find a lip butter called "Super Fruit Lip Butter - Acai" Its amazing! My lips feel really moist and lush without feeling sticky or caked. And even though it's acai, there isn't really a taste or flavor, so I don't spend all day chewing my lips. I highly recommend this lip butter if your like me and addicted to lip balms!

Bite Lip Butter $20

Just a little one today...

So as school is getting closer and closer, I ran a few last minuet errands yesterday. So I'm just going to share a couple of the little treats I bought myself and I promise that tomorrow there will be a bigger, better blog post!

So the first thing that I bought was a new pen at the Disney Store (which is one of my favorite places to shop!). The Little Mermaid is going to be re-released on Blu-ray and DVD in about a month, so they have a new collection of Ariel merchandise!! Ariel is my favorite Disney princess so naturally I had to have the Ariel pen.

I also have the same type of pen but from there Cinderella collection, and don't let the Disney Store thing fool you... These are really good quality pens and you can buy a new ink cartridge for them when it runs out at Staples. I highly recommend them!!

$14.99

Also from the Disney Store, and from the Ariel collection, was this phone case! It's really slim on my phone and is soooo cute!!

$22.99

 And the last of my little treasures are two bracelets from Target. The first one says BREATHE and the second one says FIERCE.

I loved these because they are adjustable for my little munchkin wrists and I just really liked the messages. If you know me, or if you're reading my blogs and are starting to get to know me, you'll know that breathing is something that I really need to do more of! That and relax, but I didn't see one that said relax. And fierce is just something I strive to be!

$7.99 each





So those are just a few little treats for myself before classes start again. There also won't be very many hauls or things like that since I will be saving as much as possible for my trip to Europe next summer!

SOOO MANY UPDATES!! (Well maybe not that many...)

I promise later this week I will have some more exciting posts, but I just wanted to give a few quick updates!

So first  - The technology situation will hopefully be taken care of shortly. I have decided to bit the bullet and get a Macbook Air. So hopefully it will last and be wonderful for many years to come since I have a big year this year and hopefully Grad school after that. It also has certain advantages like video editing software so hopefully I can FINALLY get some videos on my YouTube channel. But I will keep you posted on those developments!

Second - The spiders did not learn their lesson!! They went higher then simply my porch railing and hid in the overhang above my front door. I was sort of ok with that as long as I could see them cowering in fear and I knew where they were. But yesterday after work, they began to come out and no. Just no. So I tried to kill them with WD-40 which only seemed to give them more energy. They did not run and hide, they began to plot. I could see it. So I went and got a walking stick that is a little over a meter long and has a big rubber end which is perfect for smooshing spiders and attacked first!! I think one was mortally wounded, the other disappeared, so that makes me nervous. I only hope that it has figured out that living on my house isn't worth it, and goes and lives somewhere else! GROSS GROSS GROSS!!

Third - School starts in just two short weeks!! So excited!! I have all of my supplies ready to go! And I just can't wait! I'm already thinking about what I'm going to wear the first day... Stay tuned!

Yesterday was NOT the day before...

Where the day before yesterday, I had a day of happy little moments... yesterday was a day of minor set backs. It started out well enough. I slept in and had a relaxing start to my day.

Then, I had to call the student loan people. It was frustrating because I had to navigate soooo many menus and options and then was put on hold (which is fine as I'm sure there were many students calling), but then the lovely hold music cut out so I wasn't even sure I was on hold anymore and after 10 minuets of that, I gave up. So instead of having to talk to them, I had to get to my school to pick up the paper work and do this the old fashion way! And instead of mailing the paperwork - I'm going to try to drop it off in person so that should hopefully speed up the process. So that's adding steps that I didn't want to have to add...

And I'm still stressed out about the lack of working technology. Although the laptop I am currently using is fine for doing my posts here or being on Facebook, it is useless for trying to get anything on YouTube and even just write a word document, so I'll have to deal with that sometime soon. But I should have until the middle of September (I hope). I doubt I'll have to do any major writing assignments before then. And maybe learning more about technology wouldn't help either. If I learn about these things, maybe they'll stop crapping out on me!

My day was topped off by difficult, personal events (sorry I won't go into detail about this part...) and that just added to my stress tremendously! But today is a new day, and hopefully it will be a better day then yesterday!!

Thanks for listening... well reading. XoxO

A day of small personal victories!

Yesterday was one of those days where I had a number of tiny little wins in my life. I work for a large retailer, and even though I was hired to do something completely different, I now work in the warehouse. Now if you know me, you'll know that I am not someone who you would think would enjoy a very physical, dirty job like working in a warehouse... and yet I really do!!

So my first little win yesterday involved a piece of equipment called a Wave Stacker (I think). It's this crazy thing that you can ride on and move heavy boxes and things around and it also lifts you so that you could put things up on high shelves. Now, although I am not afraid of heights, I do have a paralyzing fear of falling to my death! I do find being up that high (it would be about 15 feet up), the Wave moves slightly which just scares the beejeebers out of me! But yesterday, I had to use it twice, once to get really high up with some boxes and things and the other time to go not so high but I had to get down and insanely big and awkward box. Both times, I went up, did what i had to do and got down without have a meltdown or even a mild panic. I wasn't completely comfortable, but I could get it done!! I was pretty proud of myself!!

Another part of my job involves driving a big 3 ton box truck (that's what I call it for lack of its actual description). You don't need a special license or anything, it's not a semi truck. Although there are many people that work in the backroom or warehouse, there are only three people who can drive the truck, and I'm one of them!! Which I'm proud of all on it's own because I'm the only female driver (and I get the funniest looks from people driving past, or other truck drivers from other companies)! But the reason I had a small victory yesterday is I've only been driving solo for a week, and only had one and a half lessons really, and yesterday was the first day where I felt completely comfortable driving it, and loading and unloading the truck.

I know it doesn't seem like much, but sometimes the small victories are the most satisfying for me. I get a little burst of pride and I actually think I get more excited when something small happens (like when I reversed the truck and parked it perfectly the first time I drove it - my trainer must of thought I was a nut job, but I was proud of myself!) but the small victories make the larger ones that much easier!!

Spider Update

Well, it appears that the spiders have left the building! At least for now...

I am sooooo thankful, because I was not looking forward to having to get closer to them then necessary. We also had a big thunderstorm last night, which I'm sure has helped keep the bastards at bay. Hopefully when I get home tonight they will still be gone!!

Wish me luck!!

Christie, The Great Gross Spider Killer - Part Two

They never learn!! I come home from work tonight and there are not 1, not 2 but 3 huge, gross spiders!! Even bigger then the last one!! They mock me now...

But I went and got my boiling hot water and threw it at the little jerks!! I know I knocked two off of the porch but I'm not sure about the third. But I'm telling you right now, if I go out there tomorrow morning and those little bastards have set up shop again, it's game time!! It'll be on like donkey kong! They are messing with the wrong damn girl I tells ya!

*SIGH* But for now, I go to bed. I'll update tomorrow on the funeral plans for the little 8 legged spawn.

Confessional: My Eating Disorder

So when I decided that I was going to start a blog and a YouTube channel (which is still pending), I really wanted to share the mundane parts of my life (because I find other peoples regular life interesting) and the less mundane parts of my life. So, as you can tell by the title of this blog, this is one about something less mundane.

*I should start out by saying that all of this blog is based on personal experience and things that I have learned through the treatment process. I have not studied this extensively in school, and am not an expert on the subject of eating disorders.*

Some basic information -
The two major eating disorders are Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa. Anorexia nervosa is characterized by the restriction of food intake, and bulimia is characterized by binge and purge cycles. Another major factor to consider in the discussion of eating disorders is a disorder known as Body Dismorphic Disorder. BDD is a disorder where an individual sees their body in a dramatically unrealistic way, for example, some who is 90pounds considering themselves overweight.

The important distinction for me is that although I had an eating disorder, I did not and do not have an issue with BDD. I have a pretty realistic view on my body, which isn't perfect, but it ain't that bad! What is at the base of my issues with food is a need for control. I really struggle with feeling out of control and when things do not go as I planned or hoped, I struggle with feeling helpless.

It is that feeling that prompted my eating disorder, which was mainly anorexia. When I couldn't control a situation, or just felt out of control in general, I could restrict what I was eating and how much I was eating and that feeling would help calm and relax me. I felt as though restricting my food intact was restoring some balance and eventually, once the feeling of helplessness had gone and I felt better, my eating habits would become healthier again. I think because my eating disorder was more of a control mechanism, and was something I suffered from in waves, I never lost dramatic amounts of weight.

I remember beginning to restrict my diet at around 10 years old. What I can't remember was if there was any specific event that sparked it, or how I got the idea to restrict my diet. This continued to be my go to coping mechanism until I was about 19. This is when I finally told my parents about how I felt and how I was dealing with it. Together we found an amazing cognitive behavioral therapist who helped me work through the "why" of what i was doing and helped to find some better ways of dealing with stressful situations. 

It has been 10 years since I told my parents and sought help for my anorexia. And although I have not had an issue since then, it is still something that I struggle with. Whenever I feel myself becoming stressed out, overwhelmed and out of control, my mind still wants to restrict in order to regain a sense of control. I now know however that I need to talk about what is happening with my family and friends and with their help, work out the situation in a different way.

Because I really want to be open about this, please feel free to leave comments or questions below!